Last year, my daughter hesitated to put her name forward for the talent show at her new high school. I shoved her outside of her comfort zone and told her to trust me; it will be worth her while. She grudgingly did it and in 2 minutes of playing her cello on stage (an activity she’s done many, many times in the past 8 years), she made a name for herself. Who was this Niner storming the stage in front of hundreds of new students and the whole faculty playing a classical piece on her well-tuned string instrument? That day served as a huge icebreaker for the remainder of the semester.

One of few students she knew in this new school was also from her music school. Although he was initially enthusiastic about playing with my daughter on stage, he eventually bowed out. All the excitement in planning, picking a piece to play and rehearsing was short-lived. My daughter said the reason he didn’t go forward was because he didn’t want his new guy friends to know he plays. “That’s stupid, toxic macho-shit,” I confirmed.

He fears being judged for playing cello with a girl. He’s waffling for fear of being….an artsy? An effeminate tenor? This boy needs to grow a pair!”

Fast forward to this year, “So he’s approached you again? So, let me get this right,” I stated to my daughter. “Your fellow cellist from music school recalled last year’s talent show which you singularly braved the empty stage with your cello with hundreds of eyes on you. You played a piece he also knows but after the applause, he had a major case of FOMO. This year, he wants to capture the remains of that limelight and now asking you to hold his hand again. But he’s still hesitating because he fears being judged for playing a string instrument with a girl. He’s waffling for fear of being….an artsy? An effeminate tenor? This boy needs to grow a pair!”

My daughter laughed. Yip, these are my friends! “Do you hang out with him?” Nooo, not when it got weird after he wanted to be more than friends. I was skeptical at first as to why he wanted to play with me. It’s just as well he wussed out. “That’s an accurate description of his action.”

I can’t teach this stuff. No matter how creative I get or how hard I try. Her socialization at school is absolute gem. And the characters she meets are fodder for her growth. I smiled and reminded what her cello teacher said when she stepped away from the instrument to prioritize swimming, “Musicians play because they have to; music students play because they want to.”

Yeah, my music instructor was right, she confirmed. Even though I used to play in an orchestra, I still like the sound of my own cello, my daughter said. “Don’t ever stop soloing,” I encouraged.