Long overdue: get rid of your daughter’s to-do list
Not too long ago, my daughter and I made a task list of all the things needed to be done on any given day. On her column of responsibilities, she would include things like make her bed, feed her pets, set and clear the table after a meal, bath time and brush teeth, etc. Itemizing fixed daily tasks was elementary: its design was to help her establish routine and understand shared accountabilities. Now get rid of it. These tasks are simply table stakes and not worthy of calling out any more than I would call out a trip to the gas station; it’s just something that has to get done. Her life has evolved, so should the method of getting organized. Switching over from a tasks list to an activities schedule transforms the thinking and accommodates the complexity of your child’s involvements. Here are three reasons why you need to shift the thinking.
It’s important for your daughter to take an elevated view of life with a longitudinal outlook that is much more than start and end times. Time budgeting is little different from financial budgeting: she learns to use a finite resource to accomplish something. It’s actually quite uplifting to see young minds take greater control of their lives.
Ownership. If somebody gave you a list of to-do’s and asked you to simply execute it, wouldn’t that make you feel like an errand boy? That’s exactly how your daughter feels when she sees that same list day-in and day-out. The reason she rarely looks at it anymore (much less tick things off) is because the list has become monotonous, uninspiring, and generally makes her feel like a servant. In short, the list has become paternalistic. Help her build a calendar with weekly or even monthly views so she sees how her activities span the times allocated. Giving her this view helps her to assess her own affairs and gives her a significant amount of latitude and control as she begins each day. Essentially, she decides how the activities fill her day; her day is not defined by a list of to-do’s.
Logistics planning. Some of the activities your child is involved probably require other people to coordinate as there is usually an element of travel time that needs to be considered. Have you ever experienced coworkers blocking your calendar with back-to-back meetings simply because they saw free block on your schedule? Many times, I have had my calendar hijacked by people double and even triple booking me. Have they even considered the time needed to move from one meeting to another? Sometimes, I’d also like to not have a meeting at noon so I can do something frivolous like eat lunch. Building an activities schedule allows your daughter to think how activities can be planned logistically. A schedule will reveal the duration of tasks to her, so scheduling a trip to the library to drop off an overdue book between after school and swimming lesson may not work well logistically. If one event is delayed or you run into traffic, you’ll have a cascade effect and everyone will be late and ragged. I’m sure she’s already experienced trying to do too much in too little time.
Beginning to end. Not all tasks are ‘one and done.’ Some are recurring and don’t get ‘checked-off’ for a long time—or ever! These recurring events may include family activities, individual lessons or even your child’s commitment to a team. Sporting activities can easily spawn into team meets and intermural competitions requiring a reprioritization of other recurring activities like classes! It’s important for your daughter to take an elevated view of life with a longitudinal outlook that is much more than start and end times. Even the most well-planned schedule can be derailed when activities conflict. It’s a balancing act that your daughter will need to recognize and reconcile.
The resulting benefit of all of this careful planning is that your daughter sees exactly how much unblocked hours remain – in other words, how much free time there is leftover to commit to herself. Everyone is given a 24 hour budget and she is increasing her ability to manage and account for this. In a sense, time budgeting is little different from financial budgeting: she learns to use a finite resource to accomplish something. It’s actually quite uplifting to see young minds take greater control of their lives.