Want to control her screen time? Check yours!
In an atypical assignment given by a typical teacher, Jen Adams Beason, in a typical classroom, one student wrote about the invention “I don’t like…the phone….because my panert are on their phone every day. A phone is sometimes a really bad habet. I hate my mom’s phone and I wish she never had one. That is an invention that I don’t like.” While the spelling is not atypical of a Grade Two student, the sentiment is also not atypical of many kids these days. It’s ironic in that we focus so much on the amount of time our children spend in front of a phone, tablet or TV but we never examine our own use. Such double standards!
I’ve written previously on managing screen time and avoiding the pitfalls of smart apps but all of them are focused on kids’ usage of devices — not adults. Yet, we are guiltier and curbing the chronic use of these indispensable devices has become an acute issue. Let’s examine how adults tend to use their phones in the most frequent of situations: meal time (our phones are actually parked next to our plates), being in transit (like driving) and when we are bored (like waiting to pass the time). This article isn’t a 12-step program to wean away from the devices. It’s calling out for you use this one-step, cold-turkey method to simply stop doing these socially disengaging and very dangerous habits!
When you eliminate phone use in just these three situations, three other things will happen almost immediately. Oh, there’s also a fourth benefit!
- Remember a time when mom would put the landline receive ‘off the hook’ so telemarketers don’t call during dinner time? The same has to be done with smartphones. If it doesn’t have anything to do with dinner, then it shouldn’t be on the dinner table. Put phones in a drawer so you don’t even hear the chimes.
- Are you texting while walking or worse, driving? Please stop! Now! You can kill yourself or somebody. YouTube has some ‘driving and texting accident’ public service commercials that are devastatingly distressing. Please disengage from this very dangerous habit.
- Passing time with you child or perhaps sitting on a bench while they play at the park? It’s amazing to see how many dads are glued to their phones not even knowing where their kid has gone in the park. Close your eyes and bask in the sunlight like a leaf. Take it all in. Take a break!
When you eliminate phone use in just these three situations, three other things will happen almost immediately. First, your dialog and conversation will actually become more detailed and enriched as you engage your child in banter at dinner and in the car. Once routine and obligatory, conversations without distractions can be animated and will take on looping feedback involving an interchange of how’s and why’s of even the most mundane happenings of the day. Since kids are awful at keeping secrets, they will tell you everything if you’d only listen.
Second, when you put your phone down, you send the message to your child that she is still your priority and that your relationship with her is far more important than a like for a post. She will learn this from you and she will mirror your behavior so when she engages other people, with full eye contact, she will be “in the moment.”
Third, you’re not afraid to quiet the world and just be comfortable with yours and each other’s company. Too often, the music is loud; the TV, like wallpaper is always on; the restaurant is noisy; the venue too crowded, et cetra. Our solace is chipped away sound bite by sound bite. How can conversations stand a chance of being more than skin deep with all these distractions? Be comfortable in your own skin.
- Oh and a fourth most common adult use of phones: bedtime. After you’ve put your daughter to bed, put the phone away, too. Not only will the glow of the phone not interrupt your sleeps, there are other things you can do with your partner to bring on the night.