Holding her own with boys
We were on vacation at a resort and my daughter, as always, made a beeline to the pool. It was a beautiful day and there were plenty of lounge chairs with large sun shades. We settled on a couple of recliners, I rested my phone and a book on one of the two spots while my daughter jumped straight into the deep end of the pool. I walked away looking for the towel hut. I guess we must have startled some pool-side guests as they were not used to seeing a young child jump into the deep end with a parent not showing much concern and even walking away! When I came back with towels, a few guests (standing by the pool’s edge) said that my daughter is a pretty good swimmer. I agreed. Then I sensed their initial apprehension and I apologized for scaring them. They could not have known that my 8 year-old daughter finished her entire 10 levels of Red Cross training and already on her multi-year journey to finish the Bronze series. It made for good conversations and we made some fast friends as the concerned adults were also parents – of three boys, the middle one being the same age as my daughter.
The older boy — eager to impress my daughter — was doing flips, underwater handstands and other tricks. My daughter being very comfortable in water matched and joined in on the silliness. They went from deep end to kiddie pool to hot tub and back to the deep end. They even had a swimming race across the pool, which turned into quite a spectacle for all pool side guests! My daughter’s front crawl is textbook perfect. She sliced through the water effortlessly past the younger boy, then the middle boy and as she neared the other side of the pool, the older boy had only just passed the midpoint. I heard their dad yell out to the older boy, “You’re gonna have to up your game, son, if you want to catch her!” I beamed with pride as my daughter was holding her own.
It’s not about who is more athletic or faster or better. Those are meaningless labels, especially for an 8 year-old in a recreational pool. It’s about confidence in oneself to be a participant in the first place. She’s already a winner when she feels good enough for a challenge and engages in sportsmanship. The outcome is irrelevant.
Some people think that as boys and girls get older, they shouldn’t play together much less compete against each other. The usual arguments tend to be around physical strength and male/female body advantages. There is merit in conventional wisdom, but parents who read my blog know I strive to see another side. What I do see are kids just having a great time celebrating companionship; not separation.
As parents, when we see our children compete, we experience victory and defeat vicariously. I couldn’t help but to cheer my daughter on as she took the game right into traditional macho territory of sports and literally swam circles around her male opponents. But it’s not about who is more athletic or faster or better. Those are meaningless labels, especially for an 8 year-old in a recreational pool. It’s about confidence in oneself to be a participant in the first place. She’s already a winner when she feels good enough for a challenge and engages in sportsmanship. The outcome is irrelevant.
Sports are actions that build self-esteem, cooperation, friendship, social skills and above all, learning. Our world will stream them by gender quickly enough, but we don’t need to hasten this process. Holding one’s own is demonstrably evident in sports, but the confidence necessary transcends all social interactions we have. Your daughter shouldn’t behavior one way when she’s in the company of girls and another when she’s in the company of boys. And certainly doesn’t mean she needs to assume the role of a girl (whatever that might be) when boys are present.