The who, where and when of sleepovers

The first time my daughter became interested in sleepovers was when her 8 year-old cousin came over to spend the night. For the 8 year-old, it was already old hat since she had had a few sleepover experiences. For my 6 year-old daughter, it was an exciting experience. She wanted to reciprocate and go over to her cousin’s house for a sleepover a few weekends after that. But it didn’t go very well. She got cold feet and said she wasn’t ready. That was enough reason for me. We packed it in and the sleepover was, well, over.

About 6 months after this, we went to an all-inclusive resort for a week. It was here that my daughter met another girl just slightly older who was also vacationing with her divorced father and grandparents. For the entire week, the two girls played along like fast friends. They spent 6 days in the sun. I also got to know this family quite well and shared many meals with them during our vacation. Around the fifth night, the girls wanted to know if they could have a sleepover. It wasn’t a quick decision, but one that involved both families assessing the girls’ readiness and logistics of that evening. Eventually, everyone’s comfort level was reached and the details were worked out in that the two girls would stay in grandma’s room. Grandma will supervise games, snacks, TV and hair braiding. I was a few doors away. Grandma eventually told me that they stayed up until mid-night. Everyone slept through until the next morning. The adults were all anxious and grandma was exhausted, but the girls had the time of their lives.

Who said sleepovers had to be in someone’s home? Explore museums, science centres and especially aquariums for sleepover programs for kids. In determining my daughter’s readiness for sleepovers, the cues need to be taken first by her and then assessed by me. Letting my daughter have a ‘traditional’ sleepover at another house isn’t dependent on how long I’ve known those people, it’s how well I know these people.

When we flew back home, the mother freaked and asked why I would leave her 6 year-old with strangers. I do see her concern in that we only knew these people for one week. But given the amount of time we spent together during this whole week, I know this family probably better than some of the parents of my daughter’s friends whom I have known for many years. However, those conversations never progressed beyond the drop-off/pick-up pleasantries. For me, letting my daughter have a sleepover at another house isn’t dependent on how long I’ve known those people, it’s how well I know these people. Nevertheless, we have moved beyond this. And who said sleepovers have to be done at home? Exploring sleepovers at museums, science centers and especially aquariums are exceedingly exciting. Check if your city has this program.

In determining your child’s readiness for sleepovers, the cues need to be taken first by your daughter and then assessed by the parents.

• Host family sleepovers at your house as a start. Cousins and relatives offer familiar playmates;
• Start with two kids in the arrangement. Having a third can complicate things and one may feel left out;
• If it is at a family member’s place, you may also want to stay in the guest room as this will give your young daughter a safety net in case she decides otherwise at the last minute;
• Bring familiar items of comfort like her pillow and stuffed animal;
• Do it on long weekends;
• Plan sleepovers only when your child initiates it; they have to be ready (and sometimes, they are not, even if they say they are);
• If your child shows anxiety or changes her mind, accept it and don’t second guess her; there will be other opportunities so you may have many trial runs. The first experience must be a positive one;
• Don’t just drop in and leave; make the whole sleepover an event from beginning to end starting with in-home dinner, movie, snack, wash-up, activity and lights out. End with breakfast in the morning.