What ‘oh, whatever’ could really mean
At the age of 6 going on 9, girls generally are more expressive with language and emotions than boys. And consequently, they are more mature in social interactions too. My daughter learned the f-word a long time ago, and we dealt with that. There are other times that I am surprised by the level of vocabulary and thought she employs in her narratives. Yet, there are times, a particular word or phrase will irritate me. The use of, ‘oh, whatever’ is an example.
At first, I thought my daughter was practicing a big kid idiom. After all, she is exposed to kids from higher grades at the school and I thought that is where she got it. But after repeated use, it began to bother me because the response was the same for different context. Over a period of a couple of months, I started to realize why she was using it.
After repeated use, it began to bother me because the response was the same for different context. Over a period of a couple of months, I started to realize why she was using it.
Not listening. This is a general issue with children at this age. Sometimes, they are so focused on something that they aren’t even hearing you. You called multiple times, but they are not using their brain to process further why you are calling them. Through habit, they have come to understand that when you call them, you generally want them to do something they are currently not doing, or vice versa. The ‘oh, whatever,’ response here is that I am not listening to you. While this is a problem for me, it is not the severe case.
No planning. Kids at this stage are only beginning to think about cause and effect and that is why you still need to be the adult to help them understand the consequences to decisions made. The ‘oh, whatever,’ response here means that they have not thought through the consequence and a decision isn’t being made. If that is genuinely the case, then they should have no preference for the outcome (a topic I wrote about earlier). But if they do have a vested interest in a particular outcome, then they can’t be uninvolved only to complaint about it afterwards. In other words, if she doesn’t make a decision, I will do it for her and she loses the right to whine about it.
No commitment. Kids today have so many choices that I fear they could have difficulty in becoming emotionally invested at anything. So if I make a commitment in time and resources to help them, I expect full commitment. I get far less excited if I find that I am helping them and they aren’t even interested. The ‘oh, whatever,’ response here tells me that they don’t care. I’m okay with occasionally not listening. I’m okay that they don’t need to be involved in making decision every time. But I’m not okay with a lack of commitment. This is a slippery slope.
No way out. You get angry and so do kids. For them, they get frustrated as they have far fewer coping mechanism than you do. Not only do they not know how to deal with it, they also don’t know how to move on to resolve it without your help. If they are not assisted and they continue not to get resolution, they won’t know how to handle their own failure. This is an awful place to be and the ‘oh, whatever,’ response here tells me that they are helpless. This leads to scenarios that can be filled with self-doubt. This is not healthy for adults and especially detrimental to children. The feeling of a lack of choice, lack of solution, no inspiration, no help, no empowerment, no alternatives and no hope is the pathway to being a victim.
The next time I heard my daughter say ‘oh, whatever,’ I asked her if she was struggling with something or whether she simply has no preference in a matter. It’s almost always the latter. Then my response back to her was, “Okay, whatever!””