Cuz, you’re not a kid anymore.” Yeah, so that means I need less supervision. “Kids don’t get kidnapped randomly. In fact, child abductions are relatively rare. And it’s usually done by family members. I don’t have that kind of relationship with your mother.” So why are you so hawkish on where I go and what I do ever since I turned 16? Without too much fear mongering, I said, “Because now you’re a prime candidate for abduction!”
“Believe it or not, the older you got, the more I worry about assaults and kidnapping.” My daughter was silent. Not sure if I scared her but I think she wanted more of an explanation. “Crimes against children aren’t prevalent because little people have limited value.” Half joking, I said, “Kids are noisy and they require a lot of care; they need diapers changed, blah, blah, blah. Why would a criminal want to be burdened with this unless there’s a huge ransom demand? And my bank balance is a joke! But, young people like you can be sexually assaulted and even forced into prostitution. You’re in that sweet spot of vulnerability between a child even demented characters won’t touch and an adult woman who can fight back.”
So that’s why my ‘freedom’ is limited. “Not limited. Monitored. You don’t have liberties taken away. I’m just more heightened in my risk assessment for you. And you should be also. That’s why I never let you wear headphones in public because you need to be aware of your surroundings and you want to broadcast the message that you are aware of your surroundings.”
“Look, it’s never you I worry about. It’s other people. We’ve been having these discussions since you were 7 years-old and I know you are street smart and don’t naïvely walk into unfamiliar situations. It’s other people and what they do I am suspicious of. Harassments are nuisance and can be borderline invasive. Assaults are generally crimes acted out of emotion. Sexual assaults are generally crimes acted out of control—or lack thereof. They are both opportunistic as perpetrators don’t put a lot of planning into these things.”
The world is not made of cotton candy and unicorns. More often, there are rotting apples and puddles of unicorn piss.”
“I don’t want to say you walk around looking like a victim. You don’t. But it’s easy for unsavory would-be felons to underestimate you from a distance. That’s why I don’t want you to stay out too late at night, especially when the skies are getting darker and sooner in the winter. That’s why afterschool, I want to know which friend’s house you went to. I let you go to a friend’s party, but I won’t let you go to a friend’s fiend’s party.”
But dad, I know how to take care of myself. “Yes, of known hazards. Within your friend group. And in open, public places. I don’t doubt it. It’s the unknown hazards that I think about. I don’t even know what they are and neither do you. It’s impossible to have contingency plans for every single risk hazard, and sometimes, avoiding the risk entirely is the pragmatic solution.”
Is that why you won’t let me have a fake ID? I laughed. You don’t want me to drink in public? “It’s not just about consumption. If they let you in and you order alcohol, it puts the establishment’s license at risk. And to go into a venue where grown men throw eyes on you puts them in legal danger as you are a minor.” I never thought about that. “You knowingly walk into a lion’s den can’t convincingly rely upon your defense of being a minor when things get uncomfortable.”
“There are better venues for you to feel grown up. I don’t prohibit you from responsible, underage alcohol consumption. In fact, I exposed you to alcohol so you don’t think it’s a novelty and drink in secret.”
“Besides, why are you in such a hurry to grow up?” Cuz I’m not a kid anymore. “Well, you’re also not an independent woman yet.” Okay fair enough. “So, it’s my prerogative to feel protective during this in-between stage.” Ok, I guess. “You guess?” I laughed.
“The world is not made of cotton candy and unicorns. More often, there are rotting apples and puddles of unicorn piss.”
