Short answer to this question is because she knows she can rely on me to do it for her. I’ve noticed this all the time. Laundry not folded. Garbage is still in bins. Food isn’t wrapped or put in airtight containers and dishes are in the sink and not put in the dishwasher. And that’s just the first floor. By the end of the week, the kitchen island looks like her desk in her room: I can’t find a single square inch of clear space!
But then when I go on a business trip, she proudly proclaims on the phone to me that she’s put dirty dishes in the washer, ran the load and even put them away. She’s done one load of towels including drying and folding them. Her school notes and books are not strewn all over every surface on counter space and she gets herself to school and back without me nagging at her to get out of bed! Why? She shrugged her shoulders and spat out three guttural syllables that sounded like I don’t know.
Kids today ride in private cars to get to air-conditioned luxury mega-malls compared to once upon a time when I biked over to my buddy’s place to play outside all day. For us, throwing rocks into the river was mindless entertainment. Now, kids will die without Wi-Fi. And kids today are forgetful. She was at the bank with me once and when I finished my business, she walked out forgetting her phone and an envelope on the bank manager’s desk. WTF?
She’s realizing that she’s going to be leaving home for college soon and so being dependent allows her to be a child where she continues to experience an emotional safety net.
I think in most cases, there is a perception that we live in a dangerous world and this has caused parents to be (over)protective. We do everything for them and ironically, we remind them incessantly of the things they have to do which all leads to broadcast fatigue. We inevitably shelter our children and many opportunities for them to explore acceptable levels of risks for themselves are curtailed. Parents themselves may also have conservative agenda or religious teachings that guide their parenting style.
But I think in the case for my daughter, she’s realizing that she’s going to be leaving home for college soon and so being dependent allows her to be a child where she continues to experience an emotional safety net. Although she enjoys cooking with me, she also enjoys having a home cooked meal and all she has to do is set the table and sit at it. She enjoys a tidy house where dishes are always clean and stored on the right shelves. And if someone else folds her laundry and puts them away, that’s even better. Finally, she loves to see the pantry stocked full of food and snacks for her friends to come over. I don’t think that’s laziness; I think it’s just being spoiled. And I admit that I do that. That’s because I enjoy things done for me too. Being spoiled is kinda nice!
Dependence is okay. It gives me a reason to lavish my little girl. But as much as we both enjoy moments of decadence; we both know it’s not forever. And that what makes it so special and why she hangs on to it longer.
