Roads to hell are always paved with good intention. I recall one of my big parenting mistakes of coming down on my daughter hard for not practicing her cello which drove her to quit. Despite all the tools, incentives including an hourglass I bought which she stared at for the full 30 minutes not practicing, she felt she was playing for me rather than herself. In the end, it was her conflicting schedule in competitive swimming that forced her to make the tough decision to put down her instrument. Even though she still plays irregularly, I can’t help but blame myself for making her decision easier.
Other times, I used to drive my daughter to see her mom even though she silently protests going to spend equal time with the other parent. I thought it would be good and her mother would enjoy the time. But more often than not, they fought and eventually, she returned to my house earlier or stopped going to her mom’s altogether. Again, what I thought was for the good of all parties, just created more conflict and animosity.
It’s taken me a while to figure that sometimes, kids complain not just because they don’t want to do something, but because either their heart just isn’t in it or they don’t have the resources to do it. Sometimes, it’s different to separate facts and opinions just like the scene from Inside Out (2015).
After the first session, she saw the old problems from new perspectives. This is good insight not just for math problems.
So, when my daughter comes home telling me that she hates the new math teacher, complaints that she doesn’t explain the lesson or even know how to teach which resulted in her failing the tests, we got her a math tutor instead.
Instead of spending time arguing about what my daughter can do differently or spend even more time looking at the math homework, we decided to spend the time looking for a good math tutor near our house. It took several weeks and at a reasonable hourly cost, tutoring took place at a public library. After the first session, she saw the old problems from new perspectives. This is good insight not just for math problems. She had a preparatory session prior to the day of her test and she performed markedly better.
I couldn’t make the mistake and force my daughter to face the same situation when she’s feeling frustrated. Her defiance is a cry for help and this time, I’m glad she got it.
