I’ve often found it amusing that moms say to their toddlers who are having a meltdown to use their words to express themselves. I have thought, but never said out loud, your kid is having an emotional breakdown likely from hunger, tiredness or just simple frustration. The child doesn’t have an extensive vocabulary to express themselves at your level, you idiot parent. It’s akin to asking the same parent to explain the function of a hydraulic clutch in a foreign language! Let’s see how quickly frustration builds!
But I’m dense to these realizations, too, sometimes. I often have conversations with my daughter who struggles to explain concepts that to me are seemingly simple.
Take for example when I used to drop my daughter off at her mom’s place. It took years before she told me that she didn’t like being forced to go. My thought on equal access to both parents was a gesture of goodwill. But she needed to feel comfortable enough to exert her voice and choice before I sought full custody. Years later, my daughter tells me she didn’t want to go.
It’s no wonder she struggles for words she cannot find to express feelings she can barely describe.
Situations of homework, workload and anxieties about swimming competition are other discussions that form different facets of our father / daughter relationship contribute to my daughter’s struggles to engage in open conversation with me. Thinking back, I don’t think my daughter avoids these topics because she feels I might get mad. I think she needs to find her own footing and determine for herself what she is comfortable with before she is ready to broach these topics.
This is especially evident in situations pertaining to social circles and choice of male friends. She simply has little to no prior experience. So, it’s no wonder she struggles for words she cannot find to express feelings she can barely describe. Add to this, she also doesn’t know how I would react. And so, any discussion she has with me is tentative and incremental. She also wants to shield herself with a level of expectant privacy.
I’m sure there’ll be other topics in the future that are more serious and may even take on a pithy tone. And there’s nothing I can do to prepare for any of this so it really depends on what happens and how it happens. The only thing I could do now is to buy her a thesaurus. And I did.
