Being in charge sucks the big felota
Fictional linguistics from the space opera The Expanse has coined the word felota meaning floating or feces or something bad that can’t be undone. Three hundred years from now, this common cuss word in Belter Creole was used by a woman to describe her accidental command of a space station. The demands of this position and the lives she is responsible for makes her realize that being in charge really sucks the big felota.
The reality is that any aspect of leadership, being a leader and the whole concept of leading is much, much harder than it looks. The typical ascension of a leader is through the ranks of a team—someone identified as an achiever most likely believed to succeed beyond their current role. But doing a job well and leading others to perform that job are two different things. Competency is not always a predictor for leadership. In fact, leadership has little to do with the work and more to do with the people who perform that work.
When my daughter was preparing for her cello Book One Recital, we sought the school’s pianist. He had always played the accompanying harmony portion with the orchestra, but my daughter had never played in a cello/piano duet on her own. In such parings, it is the cellist who leads. This is completely different than playing in an orchestra where musicians take the cue from the conductor. After some awkwardly timed starts, my daughter realized why the piano is called accompaniment: whether she plays a piece with repeats or not, whether she increases the tempo or not, and whether she ends a piece abruptly or in legato, she is the one who leads and the piano will simply follow her, mistakes and all. Ultimately the success of the duet is determined by her level of confidence. This is such a radical departure from her normal play. What is unseen in the graceful gliding though still waters is the flurry of paddling beneath it!
While establishing the goal and setting the pace are crucial, my daughter learned that leading isn’t just about being in front, but also being at the back so that no one is left behind.
At this age, my daughter’s experience in school and extracurricular is to follow the instructor. Although there are opportunities for them to be more contemplative in their choices and more deliberate in their actions, it is not the default. As children get older, what is truly enriching is their realization that failure is the elimination of invalid options rather than exhaustion of valid attempts. While establishing the goal and setting the pace are crucial, my daughter learned that leading isn’t just about being in front, but also being at the back so that no one is left behind.
Gradually, she is discovering that leadership has as much to do with compassion as it does with competency. And instilling the sense of inseparability (whether in a duet or orchestra) will polish leadership soft skills what will be essential now and in the future. In 300 years, even our fictitious asteroid belt dweller who loathe being in command of the space station eventually became a formidable character as she took charge, settled conflicts and had her workers’ backs. Yes, there were others more competent than she, but few were more dedicated to her troupe.
