Lessons with authorities

My daughter came home telling me that one of the students in her school was misbehaving and got sent to the principal’s office. She asks me what happens there. I told her that being sent to the office for misbehaving is like going to the penalty box. You are deprived from class time or gym activities. You’ll most likely get lectured-to or screamed-at and parents get called depending on the misdeed. I also said that if that had happened to her, then daddy would get called and I might have to leave work to pick her up from school and I would be very crossed because both our days would be disrupted unnecessarily and there will be consequences. “That’s awful,” she said. Oh yes, it will be. She also said all the kids know him as a ‘troublemaker’ and he often argues with adults before and after school. I can only presume that those adults are the parents or guardians.

And as I pondered this topic as a potential article, I got stopped by the police — three times in a month! And in each time, my daughter was sitting in the back and got a front row seat to the very lesson I was trying to teach. I can’t make this stuff up.

Authorities are there to assist people who need help but mainly to enforce rules that we all agreed to. Their role is not to limit our freedoms, but to ensure the applicability of rules for all, so that everyone has the opportunity to go about the business of their choosing. They are not there to negotiate with us. It’s never personal and if an individual thinks it is, they have misunderstood the whole concept of a social contract.

The first time, I was pulled over for using a handheld device. I had just gotten a new phone and hadn’t had time to pair it with the car. On my way to drop off my daughter at school, my boss called and I picked up the phone — right in front of a crossing guard who happened to be a police officer! I got stuck with a huge fine with points! Two days later, as we were stopped at a red light, the car behind me was rear-ended with such force, that it had crashed into me in a chain reaction. My daughter was frightened but not hurt. We got out of the car and quickly realized that we needed to call the ambulance as the elderly driver behind us was in distress. It ended with everyone being checked out by the paramedics and police. We eventually drove home and after two weeks, our car got fixed. A day or two after that, I got stopped by the police again! What can it be now? Even my daughter had gotten her fill and had had enough. The officer told me my validation sticker was out of date. How does he even know that from across the street? Of course! With all the excitement, I had completely forgotten about renewing my sticker. He was going to write me a ticket when I explained what had happened in the past couple of weeks. I even had the police report and repair invoices in the car. He took a look and punched in my driver’s license. A few minutes later, he handed everything back to me and said, “Please get it renewed in the next 48 hours.” Yes, sir.

Authorities are there to assist people who need help but mainly to enforce rules that we all agreed to. They are not there to negotiate with us and if we argue with them, they will likely be additionally punitive for wasting their time on enforcing rules that we should already know. Having said that, we should feel comfortable enough to talk to authority figures to add context they may not be aware so that they don’t make decisions summarily. Their role is not to limit our freedoms, but to ensure the applicability of rules for all, so that everyone has the opportunity to go about the business of their choosing. It’s never personal and if an individual thinks it is, they have misunderstood the whole concept of a social contract. Children need to know this because they already know that some kids don’t play fairly. That is why teachers and principals are there. They are not there to boss kids around; they are there to supervise and to make sure everyone has an opportunity to play.

For this kid who is a known troublemaker and constantly argues with adults, I foresee tough roads ahead. When kids don’t even listen to their parents, who are their first authority figures, it will be difficult for them to learn the skills to develop constructive dialog with older people or even peers. When kids, don’t listen at home, they are less likely to do so in the classroom; which brings on more severe consequences (failing grades, antisocial behavior, etc). When kids continue to disregard adults, they will eventually be met with authority that will be unyielding. Forced compliance will be greeted by resentment and failure to comply usually doesn’t end well.