She looks smart. She sounds smart. She even acts smart. And I truly believe I raised a smart daughter. But sometimes, I think she is truly clueless about some of life’s simplest of things. And I’m not talking about when my daughter doesn’t line up the cups in a dishwasher to maximize the use of washing space; nor am I talking about having the foresight to pack a couple of towels to a swim meet; nor even missed looking in the warm oven where I have already prepared food, but she goes hungry anyway. I’m talking about truly mindless things that she does or mostly doesn’t do that really bewilders me and I wonder how she’s lived all these years already without walking into sharp objects!
And then I figured out why! Kids today compared to my generation of X have it so much easier and they really don’t have to think about much because parents (like me) have done everything for them to ensure all the creature comforts, emotional fulfilment and social indulgence are not only sufficient, but topped up with opportunities. In fact, it’s not even topped up, it brims and overflows to the point of indulgence and in some cases, wasteful excess.
A generation ago, families had to be very rich to have household niceties like modern appliances and visiting housekeepers to cook and clean for everyone. But in my household where I grew up, I was often the dishwasher because none of my older siblings wanted to do it and washing/rinsing dishes wasn’t very strenuous so a child can do it. I can’t burn the house down and the worst thing I can do is break a cup or two. When it did happen, I was yelled at first and then would be asked if I had cut myself for being stupid. In the household I grew up in, my parents worked for modest incomes so we can all live sufficiently whilst the kids went to school. School trips were my vacations. There were no top ups like an allowance! In fact, my dad once censured me for wanting to buy a 99 cent pair of sunglasses. My mom at a different time, told me that she provided for everything and so I had no need for money. I don’t begrudge my parents for they raised me (and my siblings) according to the means and times of that era. I also learned from them a healthy work ethic. I grew up rolling up my sleeves, did and fixed a lot of things on my own. If there was something I really wanted, I’d save up my earnings from my paper route. If it cost more, I’d do without. Very seldom had I been given anything that wasn’t necessary or hand-me-downs. Which is why I still vividly remember my mom showing up with a pair of ice skates for me one day when I was 9 years-old. It wasn’t something I could ever buy on my own and I never dared ask for it. But she had it in her hands and it didn’t matter whether she bought it or was gifted by a coworker. It was an indulgence. And I could finally skate with my friends!
Growing up with me, she knows she’s not entitled to anything other than respect accorded to a polite and kind person. We start there.
Bless my daughter that all her earthly requirements are provided for just like my parents did for me. But the quality of my life has improved significantly since I was a 9 year-old. In my house, my daughter walks barefoot on heated floors, poking her head into multiple kitchen appliances looking for a snack as she plops herself down in front of connected TVs in practically every room in the house steaming content from somewhere in the world. My daughter enjoys a level of privilege that even some of her peers do not.
But I don’t want her to live a clueless life. Being fully aware of more than the modest life we have, I make my daughter do and act as though we don’t. Keeping her room clean is the first and most basic responsibility whether I have a housekeeper or not as no one will pick up after her. She is given some pocket money and a transit card so she can make her way around and budget to buy modest things like a bubble tea when with her friends. Growing up with me, she knows she’s not entitled to anything other than respect accorded to a polite and kind person. We start there. And we treat everyone, from the janitor to the CEO, equally.
I’m very happy that my daughter has never known real struggle nor gone a day without food. But if push came to shove, having eaten bitter in a world of sweets, she’ll know how to conduct herself resourcefully without being overly reliant or beholden to others. So, if she only acts clueless now, I’m okay to cut her some slack as I know that she’s enjoying this period of carefree youth without having any real responsibilities. For now.
