The burdens of an only child may manifest years away
grew up as the youngest sibling and sometimes wished I was an only child. My daughter is an only child but likes to remain that way! As a parent to an only child in a shared custody arrangement, I must admit that compared to my friends with multiple children, I have more time and money (all things being equal) than they do simply because I spent less of both on my one offspring. My attention isn’t divided and I do believe that I have more one-on-one time with my daughter.
Growing up, my daughter has to plow every one of her roads for and by herself. She has no siblings to learn from. No beaten paths to follow. Her life really is a process of trial and error. Without siblings, she doesn’t experience familial tensions that are influential in forming social ties. This is why cousins and extended family are so important. But even cousins are not replacement for sibling bonds. So peer relationships (a poor stand-in) have to be deep and meaningful.
But from her perspective, she loves the attention and duplication of her worldly possessions (since she has two homes). She loves that she doesn’t need to share her things or risk having a younger brother wreak havoc in her room(s). She has also witnessed her friends with siblings having constant fights and bickering. She’d just assume do without. Besides the occasional wish for a sister to play with, in reality, she doesn’t want things to change and enjoys being the focus of both parents. I can’t help but smile at my daughter’s live-in-the-moment ethics. But as her father, I worry about my daughter on many dimensions. Her future, when I am old, is one of them.
When is the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago!
The true burdens for an only child may only manifest when the parents get older. My mom was hospitalized for several months and us siblings rallied and organized a care calendar with shifts to watch over her. If either or both parents fall ill, the hardship upon my daughter can be truly debilitating. In a future when my daughter has her own family, our illness can become an unmanageable situation which may require relocations, career risk, balancing between child and elder care and presiding over Powers Of Attorney. I will say again, fathers who have the wherewithal should look after their kids by looking after themselves and put in place certain insurance policies to plan against the unplannable.
So why am I writing about something that is decades away? It’s the same answer to the question, ‘When is the best time to plant a tree?’ The answer is, ‘Twenty years ago!’ Looking after your health and finances now is the one guarantor you can give to your daughter to lighten her burden as an only child during your twilight years. This isn’t something you discuss with her now, but she’ll be glad you planed for it later. Money may not buy everything, but it will pay for the help you will need later.
