When people see a piece of trash on the floor, they are far more likely to drop a piece of their own next to it. It’s also proven that cleanliness deters littering. The same type of thinking pervades group mentality and so gangs of people take on pack behavior that otherwise wouldn’t manifest if an individual was by themselves. Is it the same with stupidity?

At the end of one of my daughter’s school day trips, the kids were dismissed on site. A pack of the boys decided to kill an extra hour before heading home. They dared each other to do stupid things and decided to slip pass a broken fence onto a live rail corridor. At that time of day, there were many trains running full speed to take commuters out of the city.

Since I work in transportation and specifically, the transit authority that runs heavy rail, I told my employer about the location of this trespass so a crew can be dispatched to repair and fortify the barrier. I also asked my daughter if the class would appreciate a representative to come and speak about train safety. Her response was an immediate ‘no’ since her friends would immediately know who told on them. As it was, at least one of the trespassers had boosted enough that the school called the offenders’ parents. Eventually, the whole group was ‘spoken to.’

“So how come good deeds don’t get talked about but bad ones are fodder for gossip?” I asked my daughter. Cuz. “Because what? Because kids have no mind of their own?” Because nobody wants to be a browner. “Brower?” A kiss ass. Dad, kids do stupid things because their parents lock them down and they get no freedom. That’s why my friends smoke and vape but not in front of their parents. They even do dangerous things because nothing in their lives comes close to giving them that rush. Some of my friends steal from shops since their parents won’t buy stuff and they have no money. And they steal more than they need to sell the rest.

Kids clump together for a common rebellious cause as a way to demonstrate independence and maturity. But setting aside their immature ways of demonstrating it, kids do grow up. What was exciting one day is not the next and eventually, their independence will naturally drive the pack apart.

“So, it’s about money. They steal what they can’t afford.” I confirmed. No, rich kids are even worst. They steal or damage things for kicks not because they can’t afford it; they can—they have nicer things at home. But buying something doesn’t give them the same high as stealing it…and getting away with it.

Then it dawned on me that perhaps all of our protective behavior when it comes to child rearing may be sheltering them from a rebellious aspect that needs to be expressed as part of growing up. And because these experiences are done without parental knowledge, those of like minds band together and give the collective a herd mentality to shed their childhood.

“So, there’s no excitement in doing good?” Not really, dad. Different rush. “Do I give you the freedom to push boundaries?” You do, but there are things I don’t tell you…until after I’ve done them. “Like?” I inquired. Like stuff. “Hmm.”

I have a fairly unique relationship with my daughter compared to my peers and their daughters. And I know not to press too firmly against her own boundaries she’s set for me. I am generally aware of what my kid is up to and she allows me to track her on Snapchat for safety reasons. I check very infrequently, anyway. She’s never ever given me a reason to spy on her or to distrust her. Given that she does well in school and her extracurricular activities, has a circle of good friends and respectful in many ways, I cut her a lot of slack and don’t barge into her physical and mental space that’s she’s carved out for herself.

At the end of multiple conversations, I’ve come to the conclusion that stupidity is not the gravity of all things, but rather the opposite. Yes, kids clump together for a common rebellious cause as a way to demonstrate independence and maturity. But setting aside their immature ways of demonstrating it, kids do grow up. What was exciting one day is not the next and eventually, their independence will naturally drive the pack apart. I think it’s intelligence and the pursuit of common interest that will be the ultimate cohesion in friendships.