Immovable object vs. unstoppable force

Which one will yield: the immovable object or the unstoppable force? It’s an impossible question. But it does have an answer. But that depends on perspective. This whole topic spawned when my daughter came to me in tears telling me that her mom wouldn’t let her do something.

“I think your mom is just concerned about you and that is why she’s placed some limits and boundaries around you.” But you don’t do that, daddy. “Yes, I do, but the boundaries I place around you keep expanding so you have more age appropriate room to explore.”  But mom won’t even let me do that stuff you let me do. “I can’t answer that question. You’ll have to talk to mom about her reasons. Could be she doesn’t have the time, the knowledge or the comfort level to support you.”  It’s just unfair over there. She just won’t budge. She won’t move on the matter. “Well, if I have to place a bet on who wins, I’ll place my bets on your.” Why? Because I’ll get older and I can do whatever I want? “Well, that may be true, but that’s not the reason.”

 

While it seems like every encounter is explosive like lava meeting the sea, you as an unstoppable force can simply go around an immoveable object rendering it irrelevant over time.

 

My daughter is growing by leaps and bounds every day. She’s an only-child and research confirms that she’s resourceful and flexible navigating two households in a blended family lifestyle. Research also confirms that only-children are also less agreeable and not inclined to negotiations for obvious reason. My daughter exhibits the predictable characteristic of high creativity, determined mindset and she’ll out-think most people because traversing multiple households has been her survival strategy.

My ex-wife, like most of us, is set in her ways. A new idea requires a high level of demonstrable proof to move a lifetime’s worth of inertia. Most of it are tried-and-true life lessons. But when it comes to childrearing, most of us should also upgrade our approach. We grew up in very different times and some of those experiences are not applicable in an always-on, socially-connected, post-pandemic, digital era. Add to this a person’s aversion to new ideas and approaches and you’ll have a good idea of the kind of parent my ex-wife is. And since most people still think that an opinion they don’t agree with is simply wrong, it’s easy to see how children can be trapped under the parent’s limitation.

Children have so few experiences and their perspectives are truly unfiltered. They are going to disagree with parental viewpoints not because of their naivety, but they don’t have decades of rote habits to overcome and can truly see things in new light. I told my daughter, “Even a river will carve the rocky banks over time.” My advice to her is that if her pursuits are a true path she is following, then be consistent and persistent. Eventually, mom’s opposition will not matter.

I finally said to my daughter, “Your mom sees herself as the authority. The theory. The textbook and it is unchanging. But know that over time, even old theory gets revised when there’s new evidence. Be authentic. Be creative. Be yourself. While it seems like every encounter is explosive like lava meeting the sea, you as an unstoppable force can simply go around an immoveable object rendering it irrelevant over time. There’s no stopping you.”