I called my daughter’s bluff; it was scary

It was an awful rainy Sunday and we had no activities planned other than to stay inside the house. No family visits, no play dates, no anything with anybody. For me it was a great day to stay in and be a couch potato. For my daughter, it was going to be a long, long day.

By noon, we had already eaten a late breakfast, cleaned the kitchen and watched a full length movie. My daughter wanted to go play in the park. I said it’s thundering and lightening out so we must stay inside. My daughter wanted to call a friend over. I disagreed and felt that we didn’t need to have guests that day. My daughter wanted to watch another movie. I said one was enough for now and we can see how much time we have in the late afternoon. My daughter was bored. I said go find something to do; alone time is actually not a bad thing.

“You’re not letting me do anything. Mommy is way nicer. She lets me do everything,” she said in frustration.
I replied, “It’s doubtful that mommy will let you play outside in this storm.”
“Well, she lets me have friends come over.”
I said, “Play dates take time to plan and it’s not likely that your friend’s parents want to go outside either.”
“She lets me watch movies.”
I finally said, “We did watch a movie. You can go read a few of your school books or practice your cello.”
My daughter’s final protest was, “No! I miss mommy. I want to go there. I want mommy to pick me up, now!”

I called her bluff because I didn’t want to be ransomed into an outcome. It was scary because both of us could lose out. These games will only escalate.

I looked into my daughter’s eye for what seemed like an eternity. My child is threatening to leave because she is not getting her way. If she calls her mom, she will get picked up and her mom will be both flustered to have to rearrange her day and content because her daughter wanted to hang out with mom rather than with dad. At the same time, I would have felt rejected in failing to spend a quiet day with my daughter without the pressure of filling it up with diversions and distractions to keep her occupied. If I don’t let her call, I would be controlling her access and that is something I said I would never do. I would be subjugating her will and forcing her to stay and do boring things like reading, arts and music appreciation. This is going to be a war that is not winnable. All of this went through my mind in about two seconds. Then I turned around, grabbed my cell phone and handed it to my daughter and said, “Here you go. Call your mom,” in a very calm and emotionless voice.

I think she was quite surprised that I had called her bluff. She took the phone, pretended to dial a few numbers and then put the phone down and said, “I’ll go upstairs and play for a bit before practicing my cello.” Phew!

I called her bluff because I didn’t want to be ransomed into an outcome. These games will only escalate. I think she also realized that even if she did get picked up by mom, it doesn’t guarantee a better day. And she would have shortchanged herself a day with her old man. After she played a bit, read her books and practiced her cello, we made popcorn and watched another movie. Later, the sky had cleared and we went for a walk and grabbed ice cream along the way. Then went home, made dinner, showered and read several bedtime stories before bed. It wasn’t an action packed day by any stretch of the imagination, but it was full nonetheless.

Let’s hope I don’t have to call her bluff again anytime soon. It was scary because both of us could lose out.