The longest night (Part 4)
Yes, I’m still grappling with having my 8 year-old daughter sleep through the night in her own bed. When she was 4 years-old, I failed trying to sleep train because I felt that my daughter, being a child of divorce, needed the closeness. I failed trying when she was in Grade 1, The longest night Part 2, when she said, “Daddy, I’m not ready.” When she was 7 years-old, I failed trying to sleep train, The longest night Part 3, because I’ve run out of special occasions in sleepovers and road trips to distract her and the excitement doesn’t carry over when we return home where she seeks familiarity. Although I am able to successfully put her to sleep in her own bed, where my daughter winds up in the morning is a bit of a crap shoot. One of three outcomes can emerge: we both wake up in her bed; we both wake up in my bed; or the rare, but truly sought-after result — we wake up in our own beds! When will we stop playing musical beds?
What I thought was one of the simplest things have turned out to be one of the most difficult. I have hard-ass friends who tell me that I should have licked this long ago. Others tell me that co-sleeping is entirely okay and can go right up to the teen years. Thanks everyone, I’ll do what works for my daughter and me.
I read to my daughter before bedtime every night she’s with me. Occasionally, we take turns reading to each other. She would attempt a few paragraphs, to practice her reading comprehension; I would read and once in a while, would make mistakes deliberately that she will catch as a way to strengthen her word/sound association. Mostly, I would read to her with exaggerated expressions in story-line dialog to engage her interest. What I have found is that the more I read these exciting stories, the less likely she will be asleep as she anticipates my every word and looks forward to the next chapter. After a chapter or two, I am forced to bring the reading enjoyment to a close. She lies there asking questions and as her mind continues to wander, mine is beginning to shut down. More often than not, I wind up simply falling asleep right alongside of her only to wake up with the sun. Other times, I get up and extricate myself from her bed at 2am in the morning and she soon follows. I am unaware because I am too tired.
There are also times I would rush though a story, stay a few minutes before going back to the computer to do some work. She always asks me to look in on her after I finish my work. Sometimes, I’m up as late as 2am in the morning. I go to bed and fall immediately asleep. I am so tired that I don’t even realize that my daughter has slipped out of her own bed and snuck into mine. Mornings like these, where I’ve had five or fewer hours of sleep are rough. Not only did I not have a full night’s sleep, my daughter also hasn’t slept through.
What I really want is what some of my friends with kids have: kids who act like obedient Roomba and return to their own space to recharge at the end of the long day. I’m sure it will happen one day. Heck, when my daughter was 6, she used to need me to sleep with her almost every night. At the age of 7, she’s increasingly spending more time in her own room at night. Perhaps by the end of age 8, she would be truly weaned. I don’t know, but what I thought was one of the simplest things have turned out to be one of the most difficult. I plow through. I tried not to get stressed out about it. I have hard-ass friends who tell me that I should have licked this long ago. Others tell me that co-sleeping is entirely okay and can go right up to the teen years. Thanks everyone, I’ll do what works for my daughter and me. At the literal end of the day, she is getting a good night’s rest and she is trending to spend less and less time in my room. There will be light at the end of the tunnel by morning so stay tuned as there will certainly be a Part 5. Perhaps a happily-ever-after conclusion to this bedtime adventure story will finally be told!