Your daughter’s 8 year-old body is changing! Keep calm and carry on
My daughter was stripping down for a shower and I asked her to give me all her dirty laundry. She opened the door and threw them into the basket I held out. What I noticed were very subtle breast bumps on her. That was last year! Another year has passed and the physiological changes aren’t subtle anymore, they actually require support bras. I closed my eyes and prayed for the world to stop. Too soon, I thought to myself, too soon. I opened my eyes again, hoping to be back in proverbial Kansas, but was disappointed. I was still standing there holding a basket of dirty laundry and now in front of a closed bathroom door. Sigh.
First of all, keep calm and carry on. Girls at this age are going through normal transformation: some as early as 7 or earlier, others, 9 or later. Whatever you do, don’t change anything you do. Continue your hugs and talks. If you pull away, she will think that something is wrong and could associate her bodily changes to embarrassment or even shame.
I still roughhouse with my 8 year-old daughter, and invariably, wind up accidentally grabbing near her chest. Just be careful and don’t flinch and recoil. She’s developing breasts, not horns. She’ll be far more sensitive to your rejection than to an accidental grope.
Respect her body. When I used to play contact sports back in school, it didn’t matter where I shoved, pushed or grabbed my opponents so long as I kept away from their crown jewels. All the guys understood this. For girls, they have an additional out-of-bounds zones. In karate, for example, I was taught to deliver an oi zuki right into the male opponent’s solar plexus. For female opponents, this has to be modified to avoid the sensitive breasts. I still roughhouse with my 8 year-old daughter, and invariably, wind up accidentally grabbing near her chest. Just be careful and don’t flinch and recoil. She’s developing breasts, not horns. She’ll be far more sensitive to your rejection than to an accidental grope. She may also adjust her diet too. If she’s into physical extracurricular activities, she’s going to need the extra fuel for the growing body. And for children, joint and muscle pains don’t necessarily mean sprains or twists. In fact, this is usually a sure sign they are growing. In non-medical language, growth happens at the end of the bones and this may cause soreness in joints as ligament and muscle are stretched as they grow taller.
Respect her space. We live in little house with 70 year old hardwood floors that creak horribly. We have doors with keyholes but the keys are long gone. There’s no way for us to even lock the inside doors to any of our rooms. So for us, we practice a very simply policy where a closed door is the same as a locked door. Knock before you enter her room. She could be changing. Ask her to draw her blinds especially at night, too. This is good practice so your daughter can ask for and should expect privacy at home and especially when she’s not.
Respect her wishes. We are still years away from hormonal changes, but get into the habit of respecting her as a person, not just a child. She may need to take extra time to condition and brush her hair (she probably has more of it than you, anyway). My daughter has always had daily bath/shower routine, but others may choose to increase their frequency. Generally, she needs more time to take care of herself from head to toe.
Above all, teach her to respect herself. There will come a day when I need to prepare my daughter for unwanted attention. You’ve been living with her day to day and if you can notice the difference of her growing body, then others certainly will, too. It is unfortunately that for many girls, changes in their physical appearance invite attention they are not prepared to handle. It’s never too late to build confidence, but you carry on, and she’ll be calm.