Sports anxiety is something that my daughter is wrestling with as she competes at higher and higher levels of swimming competition. For her, the stresses are real as the stakes are high. But she’s getting through it and was charged by the fact that some of that blood, sweat and tears have translated into hardware. But outside the competitive pool, she occasionally gets that same feeling. She is unsure why she feels this way since she’s not competing and shouldn’t draw attention; yet she still feels staring eyes upon her.
As we sat down for a quick bite at a food court, my daughter told me her unease. I asked her, “Do you feel that way now sitting here?” No. “When do you feel it the most?” When with friends or by myself. “Does anyone come up to you or talk to you?” No. “Does it last or do you ever feel someone’s eyes or even their footsteps are following you?” No. I then let her know that I was immensely happy that she’s always aware of her surroundings since I have always discouraged her from using headphones in public. Then I said, “It’s entirely likely that people are just people watching; no different from what we are doing now.” As we sat down and ate our meals, we explored her apparent unwanted attention from different perspectives.
It’s about her. People may look at my daughter because of her youthful confidence. Maybe even her physical attributes. She’s 13 years old and as creepy as voyeurism sounds, it’s entirely possible that my daughter looks and carries herself in a way that stands out. Another possibility is that my daughter may resemble or remind the looker of someone else and they are simply making that mental comparison. Things that stand out tend to draw attention. And since she’s the one being stared upon, it may not be entirely personal and in the end, have nothing to do with her.
At the end of the day, people are inquisitive creatures and they will nonchalantly fill in visually what they don’t know personally.
It’s about them. People may also be looking at my daughter hoping to get her attention. She is familiar with this type of interest in the schoolyard and friends of friends may want to talk or befriend her. It could be that they admire the way my daughter wears her hair or the particular outfit she has on. As she gets older, she may even have young men approach her with friendly conversations hoping to gain her number or whatever social moniker would be appropriate at that time. While people can be judgy and some may even have unhealthy obsessions, rarely does this type of attention worth further consideration. But it is always important to be alert to this aspect of social interaction, even if by happenstance.
It’s about noneya. At the end of the day, it’s about none na y’all. It’s not about anything or anybody and she simply walked into the looker’s view of vision as they were daydreaming. She may be the most interesting thing to happen to them in the last 10 seconds. It’s no different from a situation where our attention is directed to the door as someone walks in a classroom or a meeting already in session. This is especially true even if they try hard not to be disruptive. Sometimes, trying to be ordinary makes it extraordinary.
We’re all social animals. As humans, our primary sense is sight. And so, we use it to visually check in with each other as part of our social order. This type of non-verbal communication is more pervasive than verbal communication. People are inquisitive creatures and they will nonchalantly fill in visually what they don’t know personally.
