Birds of a feather is really an apt description as some like macaws can live over a hundred years and are known to mate for life as many birds typically do. The female lays the egg, and the male is responsible for bringing food to her and they share the raising of the chicks once hatched. Not very dissimilar from us humans. We have many commonalities with other species on this planet and it is not difficult to see how our protective instincts to raising young are parallel to the behaviors of wild beasts.
Take for example, mama bear. Her affectionate, protective and devoted approach to her cubs is known universally. We even have expressions like ‘don’t get between a mother and her cubs’ that confirm the extent mama bears will go to ensure her offspring’s safety and survival. Contrast this with the nature of the tiger dad, whose focus on his offspring is honing the skills of the apex position by refining excellence in ability to pursue prey through strategy, patience and commitment.
Our daughter has the good fortune to have two devoted parents albeit separated and divorced. The fact of the matter is that her mother and I are still fighting a proxy war is a testament that we have one thing in common: to exert what we feel is best for our daughter. Setting aside what those definitions are, if we didn’t care deeply, there would be no arguments. But nearly a decade of being divorced, I have discovered that I am a better tiger than a parrot. In other words, I prefer to parent separately than together.
I do this not to show the world that I can be a male parent. I do this because it is who I am and it is the way I approach everything, not just parenting.
I never intended to be divorced or to be the parent raising a child mostly on my own. But I have come to learn that my own nature lends itself to this type of parenting approach. Rather than follow a doctrine of what society (or church or family) may expect of me, I have truly behaved in the way befitting of a man with tiger tendencies: solitary and territorial. I expect a lot from myself in that I am driven by what I want to achieve and will devise a strategy to execute a plan to get it. I hone my skills so that every failed attempt brings me one step closer to my goal through improved methods. I am highly disciplined in that I observe, learn, unlearn and relearn to advance my ways and exhaust all efforts to achieve what I deem is worthwhile. I do this not because I have a daughter or to show the world that I can be a male parent. I do this because it is who I am and it is the way I approach everything, not just parenting.
My ex-wife and I have but one child. I never sought another mate to have another family. Nor do I want to, now. For me, I sink all my resources (physical, mental and of course financial) in a k-strategy approach to raising an offspring. I give her the best I am able and often exceed even that since the resources I have need not be shared with other siblings. This is not lavishing her with excess as a tiger dad would have little patience for disproportionate indulgence but simply enjoy the good spoils.
One day I will look back and see her achieve far more than me. She has a much farther start than I did when I was her age and so exceeding my low bar would be a nonevent for her. So I am justified in expecting from her what I would expect from myself given all the resources available to her. And as I parent, I find no greater reward than seeing my child fully independent of me and her mom. She won’t ever need to thank me; her independent success is gratitude enough. Roarrrrr!
