Parenting isn’t about the parent (Case study 5): Tiger moms
My daughter’s swim team had a weekend dive clinic where all the kids would spend an hour in the pool learning the most effective way to enter the water from a dive platform. It’s actually more demanding than one could imagine; it’s also a mental exercise as being mentally distracted and ‘jumping the gun’ would mean disqualification. My daughter was both nervous and excited as with 60 other kids in the pool.
Sitting in the bleachers, most of the parents could be seen reading their tablets, phones and even newspapers with coffee in hand. Down in the first row, I saw a woman holding an iPad with a young child who had brought math workbooks. After each dive, she’d time her daughter’s speed to the end of the pool. Each time the daughter walked by, her mom would yell out the time and bark out an encouraging remark like, “You’re slower than the last lap.” A few of the other parents quietly looked at each other and offered only sympathy to the young diver. After a few more laps, the daughter walked by without even looking at the bleachers and pulled her hair cap over her ears. She got an earful from her mother for doing that too. The next time, she walked around the far side of the pool.
American Psychological Association has even published articles purporting that tiger parenting doesn’t create child prodigies. In fact, it’s found that stellar performances are short-lived and comes at the cost of poor mental health.
What is wrong with some parents who want to suck the fun out of everything? This was a dive clinic. Nailing the entry will actually shave seconds off the time. The coaches were working on form, not speed, much less timing the kids. You can tell that the kid didn’t look up anymore and just wanted to block out her mother. If people save their best behavior for public, what is life like at home for this young swimmer and the younger brother who is doing math exercises at 10am on a Saturday morning! Let him watch cartoons!
No doubt children of tiger-parents excel at everything they attempt and no doubt that through all the encouragements, tiger-parents love their cubs very much. But I think there is a cost if every aspect of life is so driven. The American Psychological Association has even published articles purporting that tiger parenting doesn’t create child prodigies. In fact, it’s found that stellar performances are short-lived and comes at the cost of poor mental health.
I asked my daughter if she knew this tiger cub. Her response was yes, but she’s not nice. “What do mean?” She thinks she’s better than everybody. “Well, she is a pretty fast swimmer.” Yeah, but she’s mean about it and she’s pushy. Hmmm, I wonder where that comes from. “Do you talk to her?” Not really. It’s really too bad that this obviously very capable seedling of a child is growing up in some harsh environments. Even green plants respond better with genuine human touches so I can’t imagine how much this child is staving for some real honest parental contact. I hope this child grows up to achieve everything she sets her eyes on in spite of being pushed vicariously to do so.
