In a single parent household, there’s no such thing as gender roles

My first article in this series had to do with girls finding and identifying with heroines. This type of role play uplifts them and allows them to experience vicariously through the character and gives them hope that they too can achieve the same and more. As they grow older and their gender identity begins to be expressed within social norms, it is important for them to not only identify with heroines, but to begin to realize and understand what are agents of empowerment and what are characters of stereotype.

It’s one thing to say to your daughter that girls can do anything boys can do; it’s another to put into action that girls should do what boys can do. For us, this is simple. I’m a shared custody dad. That means I cook and clean as well as take the garage out and mow the lawn. I fold the laundry and repair the car. I explore new recipes (created our first crème brûlée) as well as introduced my daughter to video games. Essentially, there are no gender-based roles and chores in our household. If I don’t do it, then it doesn’t get done. Period. This is an important distinction my daughter already knows from some of her schoolmate’s household where the dad never cooks (and doesn’t know how).

It’s one thing to say to your daughter that girls can do anything boys can do; it’s another to put into action that girls should do what boys can do.

Banishing gender roles in a single parent household is the norm. Banishing gender roles in a dual parent household is important for a number of reasons:

• If she doesn’t live by gender-based definitions and roles, then she it is less likely that she will be trapped in one later. As an example, the idea of her becoming a care-providing nurse one day then becomes a choice, not because she believes she can’t become a physician, herself.
• If she learns that single parent households do everything, then she will be more than likely to learn to do everything and really become self-sufficient for when she eventually lives away and has to do everything. She’ll already know how to cook and clean as well as pump gas and change a flat.
• If she learns that roles are not gender based, but merit or ability based, she’ll be part of a new generation to out-think us and truly bring innovative solutions to long standing problems. This concept is succinctly captured by Einstein’s quote, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them.”

So go ahead, bake a pie. Take out the garbage. Wash a shirt (by hand). Vacuum the rug. Not only let you daughter see you do this, but get her to help you do it. If you teach her not to care about gender based roles, then you shouldn’t care about doing them as the end goal is to teach her life skills. And while you’re at it, call out gender based toys and advertising, too. The Mad Men days are nostalgic and made for great TV, but were probably oppressive for women.