The anatomy of profanity
Have you ever wondered why swear words in the English language often refer to sex, sexual organs, copulation and other biological functions? Cussing in other languages follow similar parallels and often touches upon sacred topics like religion and people’s mothers and any combination thereof! Why is that? Certainly sexuality and the female form don’t bring us to anger; in fact, it can be a source of tremendous joy. And why would a matriarch who embodies unconditional love when called upon can represent such denigration? If we were truly angry and want to scream out expletives, why not yell, “Damn that 40-hour work week!” which is something we can all identify with.
The first time my daughter heard me use the f-word as a verb, she was truly dumbfounded! I struggled with an explanation and offered a meek apology without knowing why or whether it will happen again. With repeated infractions, I started to think that the nature of profanity and discovered that the expression of which is something all children already know about and adults have simply forgotten: the more prohibited something is, the greater the allure and its temptation. Tell a child not to do something and it encourages her to want it even more. Forbid a child and she will find ways to circumvent you. For them, it’s a power struggle; self-determination to explore the prohibited. For us, years conditioning and compliance has trained us to adhere to propriety, a behavior conforming to conventionally accepted standards of behavior or morals. Swearing is the deviant behavior that strays from propriety.
Propriety is a blunt instrument used to divide behavior into what is profound and what is profane. In our still male-centric world, dogma, propriety, money, power and sex fuse together to exert control to the detriment of those not in charge: women. It’s no wonder that under great emotional stress, sex and violence are often tightly linked together as frustrated human outbursts.
Propriety is a blunt instrument used to divide behavior into what is profound and what is profane. The problem with this approach is that someone has to set the standard that automatically limits others’ expression of behavior and this standard is not universal. In some countries, holding hands in public are permitted only for married couples. In another country, merely shaking hands with the opposite sex has implications. Even holding hands in good-ol’ Tennessee was once debated in the legislature as a “gateway sexual activity.” When people of strict beliefs and moral guidance add more rules and criminalize unapproved behavior, those expressions don’t go away—they go underground.
In many ways, our entire population is conditioned to accept violence as a perfectly natural conversation that is worthy of the 6 o’clock news but the marriage of two consenting men is an act against God and must not be discussed openly. Generally, our not quite secular society still struggles with basic concepts of human sexuality as the domain of God and therefore unknowable and unquestionable. Even well-educated parents are influenced by higher doctrine and don’t teach their children to refer to male and female body parts by their anatomically correct names but instead refer to them as pee-pee’s and woo-woo’s all in the name of propriety and discretion. And in our still male-centric world, dogma, propriety, money, power and sex fuse together to exert control to the detriment of those not in charge: women. As if vilifying half the population isn’t enough, women of child-bearing age who are banished to menstrual huts are the lucky ones. Other societies still practice female genital mutilation (FGM)! It’s no wonder that under great emotional stress, sex and violence are often tightly linked together as frustrated human outbursts.
Since my first swearing outburst in front of my daughter, I have learned why and what is appropriate to say during my eruptions. I’ve even taught my daughter to swear correctly and to be creative about it. I didn’t do this to be hip, but to educate her so she knows if someone is using derogatory language against her. The lesson for me and what I am increasingly teaching my child is that if swearing is a choice, then direct it not at a person. Understand the choice of words used and its origins. While propriety has its place and should be observed, it should never be used as a straightjacket to impose a behavior without context. What is right and what is wrong are for ourselves to determine and it doesn’t ever change because of discretion or propriety.
