As my daughter and I exited the self-checkout area of a major retailer, we noticed a bit of a bottleneck and quiet commotion. As we inched forward, we noticed a store clerk was checking receipts upon exit. While this is not unusual, what was unsettling was the fact that it was a black family that was pulled aside as other non-black shoppers were allowed to exit without showing proof of purchase. We shuffled up to the front and were also waved off without even a blink. I felt my daughter’s immediately unease and asked perfunctorily if she was okay. She said, “Let’s get out of here first.”
Discretion is something my daughter had to learn early, but empathy needs no tutelage. Through many of our conversations and her social studies at school, she knows that injustice exists everywhere. Whether it’s indigenous truth and reconciliation, black lives matter or even hijab protests in the Middle East, where there’s a difference among us, people will find a way to exploit it. Then she asked me, “But the store clerk is also black. Why did she purposely pull the black family aside?” She may just be doing what she is told by her supervisors!
Rightly or wrongly, we have just witness and became participants of the bystander effect or bystander apathy. Typically, this term describes the psychological state in which individuals are less likely to intervene if others are present—the presumption is that others will do something, but almost always, none will. I know my daughter would not act as she’s just a passive observer to current events. And at 13 years-old, she doesn’t have an activist mindset. But I did explain to her why I didn’t intervene.
Being aware of the nuance of social interactions when a diverse group of people come together is the very, very first step to identifying what are norms and what are unchallenged norms.
No one was hurt or in need of life-saving assistance. And since there was no direct impact on me and my daughter, I took no action to defend us or anyone else. It’s also entirely within the purview of the retail store to check receipts of self-served customers. How the store implements this policy by way of randomization or profiling is something I am not knowledgeable. I wouldn’t have thought twice about the event if it was a non-black family that was stopped, so the fact that I’m thinking about this happening to a black family simply means that we are aware of the undercurrents of racism and injustice that is expressed as unconscious bias.
The family didn’t seem to think it was extraordinary. When the family was stopped for inspection, one of the kids (almost a teenager) called out to his mom in a normal voice and asked for the receipt. The mom didn’t even think it was unusual and obediently complied. Neither did she feel resentment as hordes of non-black shoppers passed by. Did this mean the family had accepted their special attention as normal? Did this mean the family had resigned themselves to be treated like this is normal happenstance? I will never know and if there were no casualties, then was there a wrong committed? Tough question.
Didn’t want to make the situation worse. Whatever was on my mind, it would be very different from the minds of everyone else there. Who am I to come to someone’s rescue and call out perceived injustice? Such a supposition implies that the family were helpless and needed intervention. It also pre-supposes that I am some savior that can bring justice to the situation. But in fact, given the above two reasons, I could only be making a scene and exacerbating the situation. With my daughter in tow, I wasn’t going to ruin a bunch of people’s day because I felt righteous.
I don’t have an answer for this situation or any other situations that I or my daughter might encounter in the future. But being aware of the nuance of social interactions when a diverse group of people come together is the very, very first step to identifying what are norms and what are unchallenged norms. When something can happen to any one of us without prejudice, it could be a norm and we accept a certain level of social conformity to ensure a safe and functioning society. Everybody must stop at a red light, for example regardless of what we drive and how much of a hurry we are in. But if a norm is ascribed repeatedly to a particular demographic, this is a deviation from a norm; not necessarily the formation of a new norm.
And at the exit lines of this retail giant, I wasn’t sure what we had witnessed, but it didn’t feel right and it’s not something I nor my daughter will forget soon.
