The days may drag, but the years will fly

The other day, my daughter asked me about my school and how long I had been in it. I told her that I finished grade school, then high school and then went to college. Where was college? “Away from home in a different city.” Didn’t I miss my mommy and daddy? “Sure, but I was also grown up and needed them less.” She paused. “One day, you’ll grow up to go to college yourself and you could be living in a different city than mommy and daddy.” Her eyes welled up and said that she didn’t want to go to college and didn’t want to live by herself and she didn’t want to leave mommy or daddy. I sometimes forget that I’m talking to a 7 year-old. I comforted her and said that it wasn’t happening tomorrow and she still has many years before she makes that decision. “You’re only in Grade 3! Enjoy it,” I proclaimed.

Sometimes I forget that I’m talking to a 7 year-old. They grow up so fast anyway, so enjoy the time with them and let them wallow in their childhood a little longer. In a blink of an eye, it is not them who will lament their younger days, it is you who will have missed out on those early years.

I admit I rush my kid sometimes – maybe all the time. “You’re late for school”, “Hurry up, so we don’t get stuck in traffic,” etc. But I’m not talking about these kinds of hurry-it up; I’m talking about pushing them beyond their current abilities as a child. We think that exposing them to extra academic tutoring and sports training will give them a competitive edge. In fact, much research suggests otherwise. When parents try to rush a child’s development, it can actually disrupt the child’s natural progress. Imagine a nonsense example of teaching your infant daughter to walk on a trampoline, as you fear she will fall on a hard surface. But in reality, her walking muscles will never develop if she is not stepping on terra firma. Her sense of balance will never develop if she doesn’t fall. And her confidence will never develop if she doesn’t succeed after repeated failures.

I see parents push their kids to read more and more difficult text all the time. Let them enjoy reading as a hobby, not as an exercise. They grow up so fast anyway, so enjoy the time with them and let them wallow in their childhood and their picture books a little longer. I have no doubt that my daughter will read at a college level and beyond. So it is really inconsequential if she can read chapter books by Grade 2. She’ll get there and I certainly don’t want to extinguish her reading interest by pushing her to read more advance material that I think are good for her. Heck I still read comic books and this doesn’t diminish my ability to read work reports.

If your child is happy and well-adjusted, let them be. The alternative tells the world you are a control freak. If you are that control freak parent, then examine why it is you need her to do something. Is she doing it for you or for herself? If it’s the former, the burden will stress them out. Parental expectations can easily overwhelm a child and deter them from self-exploration. So chill out, and enjoy their childhood vicariously! In a blink of an eye, it is not them who will lament their younger days, it is you who will have missed out on those early years.