The day she came home with the f-word

One day, my daughter came home from school boasting of a new word she’d learned from a friend. I can’t be too surprised since I knew quite a few ‘choice phrases’ in other languages at her age. I asked her to say it to me. Hesitant at first, she eventually did. It was pronounced all wrong. I corrected it and also asked her to phonetically spell it out. She did an equally piss poor job of that too, which again I corrected.

Shielding her from the ugly things does not help to socialize her in this world. In fact, I believe the opposite is true. As much as I am a proponent of an eternal childhood, this dream fades as she grows older and the noise from the outside world knocks louder. She should be educated about the good, bad and ugly. So if she uses the bad words, don’t censor it. Ignoring it doesn’t work either. Help her understand it. You’d want her to know how the words are properly used so she knows instantly when it is spoken and written, and more importantly, if it is used against her.

The best way to help her rationalize this good/bad duality is to explain that not everything is black and white. People don’t swear because they are just angry or mean. Sometimes, they can’t help it. I explained that some disorders cause people to have impaired language abilities: Tourette syndrome. Alcohol can also impact speech patterns. The person may use bad words, but it doesn’t mean they are bad people. She’s caught me swearing at the bloody traffic.

She should be educated about the good, bad and ugly. You’d want her to know how the words are properly used so she knows instantly when it is spoken and written, and more importantly, if it is used against her. Finally, it is to teach her that there are far more creative ways to cuss than belching out a stream of f-ing f’s

But if swearing is a choice, then let it be an informed one and put some guidance around it.

• It shouldn’t be done at school, home or any place expecting good behavior
• Don’t use it on teachers, principals, police officers or generally anyone with authority
• Don’t use it to describe people who may be sick or confused; these words shouldn’t be used to denigrate a person. Swear to describe things or situations; not people
• Whom else is left to swear with? Peers. This group is probably the least judgmental
• Don’t overdo it, swearing often will lose its impact
• And finally, understand what the words actually mean. Swearing indiscriminately makes no sense. It actually makes the swearer sound like an illiterate.

While I didn’t develop this list and explained all of this to my daughter at one sitting, writing this article gave me an opportunity to review the topic and reflect on my approach. Having had the luxury of time and multiple discussions since my daughter first brought home the f-word, there have been no sailor outbursts. In fact, cussing can get creative. Wishing upon someone the agony of a thousand swords is way more expressive than spewing forth a stream of f-ing f’s. This is why I think literature is so crucial to the developing mind.

I believe that language is a powerful tool and words are the fine instruments used in expressing thoughts and emotions. It should be learned well. There’s nothing inherently bad with any of the words; they just have to be used for the right situations, at the right time and with the right audience.