Why I don’t let my daughter walk home by herself
We live in a big city. We drive sometimes, but mostly take underground subway because above ground congestion is horrendous; parking is sometimes nearly impossible, too. She never travels unaccompanied. Not because I worry about abductors and pedophiles, but I fear my daughter simply getting lost in an area of the city she’s not familiar. The city is large with millions of people and thousands of different intersections, so free-ranging in this city isn’t really a practical option for us — not at the age of seven. If she had an older sibling, perhaps, but alone, that is what worries me. Although my daughter is very familiar with the route she takes to school and back and she asked if she can go by herself, I said, “You probably can since you’ve done it so many times, but I will not let you.” She pouted and inquired, “Why?” I paused for full 10-seconds and said, “I have three reasons.”
Life is full of curveballs. ‘Bad’ people look the same as ‘good’ people. What was a beaten path can suddenly turn into a detour. Don’t throw her these while she’s only just learning to catch underhand throws.
Trust. It is not that I don’t trust my daughter, I do. It’s other people I don’t trust. I don’t want to sound paranoid, but when it comes to the safety for our children, we can’t just hope for the best. We must be at or near 100% certain about the people charged with their care. And the unfortunate thing for us parents is that ‘bad’ people look the same as ‘good’ people. People’s profession is not worn on their lapel like a nametag; there’s no way for me to tell what they do. More difficult, people’s intentions are not worn on their sleeves; there’s no way for me to assess their motives. As an adult, if I am not at or near that 100% certainty, I cannot expect my 7-year old to do this while she’s alone in the big city.
Variations. We take a predictable path to get to school and back every day. When we drive to the grocery store, we usually follow the familiar shortest path also. But suppose there was an accident on the way to the store and I have to go down a new road. Not a big deal for me as I generally have the map of the city in my head and can reroute dynamically. If a bus breaks down and I had to take another one on an alternative route, I know how to read bus signs and know where to transfer. It’s also not a big deal for me. But for a 7-year old, exceptions like these will throw her world into chaos. What she’s practiced and memorized will no longer be applicable and she is not yet proficient enough to think around these types of problems under stress. What was a beaten path can suddenly turn into a detour. Life is full of curveballs. Don’t throw her these while she’s only just learning to catch underhand throws.
Communications. My daughter doesn’t have a cell phone. If she’s stuck underground, it might not work anyway. Although she’s taught to memorize mine and her mommy’s phone numbers, she’s had no experience in asking strangers for help. Even well-meaning citizens are afraid to engage children in public these days. She’s taught not to follow anyone or go anywhere and without the ability to describe her current location, it would be the desperate leading the blind. Fear will grip her and she’ll be torn between staying put alone or going with someone who seems willing to help. There’s no way to tell how it could end. This is a real problem; far more likely to occur than the proverbial boogeyman.
My daughter listened to a slimmed down version of this and couldn’t disagree with any of my points. But secretly, I don’t think she really wanted to go to school by herself anyway. I think she was simply pushing the boundaries; which is natural and a very healthy thing for her to do. For right now, the boundaries are still intact. The next day, she asked if she can walk ahead 20 or 30 feet and pretend she was going by herself. We were both okay with that.