Tell her she’s beautiful; the media will forever convince her she’s not

My daughter loves to go to the nail salon with her mom to get her nails painted. She gets to choose the color to be applied to different fingers and toes and occasionally, a nice design is painted on her thumbnail. She absolutely loves it. The school she attends doesn’t allow for this, and so going to the nail spa is a treat saved for long weekends and holidays.

I can’t help but get pulled into her excitement and I am often asked to paint her nails for the weekend. Then it gets wiped away by Sunday night. I have to be involved at home, otherwise I will find nail polish on the floor, door handles, and her knees and even elbows since she’s still not fully coordinated to paint herself.

At every opportunity, I remind her to brush and floss and to keep a nice, healthy and clean appearance so she feels good and wholesome about herself inside, rather than needing to make-up for what could be lacking on the outside.  The fashion and media industries will try to convince her to a media definition of beauty which will change with every season. Helping your daughter build her own image of herself will be eternal.

I don’t encourage full make up and I fully discourage the sharing of lipsticks, gloss and other items with her friends for hygiene reasons. But I understand that as she gets older, make-up will become a ‘rite of passage’.  I heard through popular culture that children as young as 12 are now leaving home with some sort of make-up! While I don’t have a strong reaction to this practice since she sees other girls at school with make-up, I try to put things into perspective for my daughter. I tell her some of the reasons to use make-up have nothing to do with age or feeling grown-up.

• Makeup is used to enhance lighting. I showed her pictures of mommy’s wedding day make-up and hairdressing because taking pictures requires a bright flash. That’s why accent and colors are used.
• Makeup is used on special occasions. It’s like putting on a fancy suit or dress. Sometimes, lips and eyes get dressed up with lipstick and mascara as well. But generally, it is not necessary for going to school, playground and especially not for swimming. If it rains, the make-up will run.
• Make-up can sometimes be used for people not feeling well. My daughter has a classmate who is being treated for cancer. As a result of chemotherapy, the child has lost all her hair and the nurses apply eye liner to ‘restore’ some familiar features to maintain the child’s confidence.

But on the whole, I’ve always told her that if she washes her face and keeps her complexion clean, she’ll be as pretty tomorrow as she is today. And at every opportunity, I remind her to brush and floss and to keep a nice, healthy and clean appearance so she feels good and wholesome about herself inside, rather than needing to make-up for what could be lacking on the outside.  I tell my daughter this because for the rest of her life, the fashion and media industries will try to convince her to dress-up, dress-down, cover-up, shape-up and make-up to a media definition of beauty.  This will change with every season. Helping your daughter build her own image of herself will be eternal.