My daughter often regales me with funny stories about her friends going on alcohol bingers at house parties. She has friends who vape and one story about how a pen leaked all over their class notes. Nothing she tells me surprises me or shocks me as I recall my own teenage peers having their own reckless joint and bong parties. We all experimented but the habit never took and most of us went on to run governments and corporations.
But it’s not all fun and games. Some of the stories my daughter tells me about her friends are downright disheartening. A friend of hers vapes so much he has lost his lung capacity to swim competitively. Another feels dejected with school, smokes up daily and will likely drop out of the rigorous IB program. And still, another who himself doesn’t drink or smoke due to parental suppression, vicariously judges others for doing so. And in that judgement, has ostracized himself. The once tight friendship he had with my daughter has frayed from paternalism and condescension.
We all experimented but the habit never took and most of us went on to run governments and corporations.
It’s difficult to affirm that drugs are a gateway to a life of suboptimal choices, but it’s likely less controversial to say that some other triggers may cause these kids to use substances for fun and eventual escapism. Then things can spiral quickly and wildly. I recall a girl from my high school who was very aspiring. But after a period of missed classes, exams, and complete withdrawal from social groups, she dropped out of school. Months later, someone at school confirmed the reason to be domestic conflict. A year after that, another friend caught eyes with our former friend solicitating on a shady street corner…who then turned and paced away.
Not too recently, I had a friend who fell on hard times and after the divorce, custody woes and joblessness, went into a state of depression and used nicotine and alcohol to distract himself from worries. He slept late and woke up even later. Things were very bad and he finally agreed to be admitted into detox. My daughter knows this friend and we both took him to admitting where he was triaged and admitted into a multi-week program.
It’s easy to judge the visible behavior of others when there are invisible struggles. Beyond the social boozing, people don’t drink to excess for the sake of drinking. They do it to drown out something else. There’s always a struggle, almost always personal. The pain is sometimes too sudden and too deep, which needs numbing.
We all need less judgement and more compassion. Let’s work toward turning the music back on for everyone!
