My daughter’s friend asked her, “What’s it like living in two homes?”

I accidentally overheard this conversation one day while my daughter was having a play date. I don’t quite recall the entire conversation, but she did say that “It was fine and I like it.” Without missing a beat, they went right back to playing and continued their chitchat. I didn’t pay too much attention after hearing that my daughter actually preferred it this way.

My daughter knows that families aren’t solely based on the nuclear model featured in Leave it to Beaver (1957-1963), Family Ties (1982-1989) or even Modern Family (2009-) sitcom models of father, mother and kids. Today’s wholesome families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. For as long as my daughter can remember, she’s had play dates with kids whose family unit consists of two-moms, mom-only, two-dads, no-dad and even no-mom. Her perspective is that families aren’t an exclusive club bound by bloodline, but an inclusive one encompassing non-blood relations. With normal divorce rates at 50%, the families of my daughter’s friends are looking increasingly like hers. My daughter is actually a trailblazer! So I was hardly surprised at the frankness of this conversation between the two playmates.

The thing that I find most intriguing about my daughter’s opinion on why she now prefers a two household setting is that she gets to experience each fully and without conflict. Even as early as two years ago, she wanted mom and dad to get back together — I’m sure a part of her still does. But I tend to agree with her new assessment of enjoying a conflict free environment. Being a fulltime parent half the time, I, too, get to experience fully the time with my daughter; I’m 100% dad when she’s with me. When she’s with her mom, she gets 100% mom and I have 100% time to myself to recharge or do whatever it is I need / want to do.  It is our new normal.

Perhaps the reason why my daughter likes her two household living situation is that both parents can provide for her completely rather than doing only 50% of the job and expect she’ll get the remainder at the other parent’s. A child reared this way could receive 200% and can become masters of both domains.

Nevertheless, I cannot deny the benefits of a two-parent household in areas of relationship, collaboration and economics. But studies do show that children of single-parent families quickly become very good decision makers and have strength and maturity necessary for dealing with their experience well beyond their years. On top of being resilient and self-sufficient, children of divorce learn not to take things for granted. The relationship can arguably be more enriched as they cherish the quality of the time spent with each parent. Perhaps, it could be the simple concept of without struggle, there is no growth. But the main determinant for success in children in both single and two household situations is the lack of conflict. All things being equal, pursuit of happiness underpins all emotions for all children.

In our home, conversations between daughter and dad typically center on her school, friends and, of course, each other. Inevitably, discussion about mom surfaces and it’s important not to put a personal bias. Badmouthing the other parent in absentia is just bad form. It speaks poorly about your character and puts your daughter in a difficult situation. Her experience with her mom is very different from your experience with your ex-wife. In fact, do the opposite and encourage constant and open communication with the other parent. I’ve always taken the position that whatever we talk about can be repeated with her mom. I encourage openness and transparency. Hiding things or being sarcastic usually doesn’t end well. They are too smart.

Perhaps the reason why my daughter likes her two household living situation isn’t because of any of the reasons mentioned above. It could be the outlook taken in sharing, teaching and providing for what she needs completely when she’s with one parent rather than doing only 50% of the job and expect she’ll get the other 50% at the other house. A child reared this way could receive 200% and can become masters of both domains.