Brace yourself; your little girl is growing up
Childcare and kindergarten was all about preparing for Grade 1. During the whole year as a six-year old, your daughter has had many milestones. Physically, she’s probably sprouted several inches in height and lost a lot of chubbiness in her face. Academically, she has started to read and perform basic mathematics and well on her way to understanding trigonometry. Where she has grown the most is social development. No doubt your first grader’s personality is gradually being revealed. She’s had lots of experiences lined with laughs, sadness, anger and, of course, disgust. But having spent 6 full years of partly full-time and partly part-time, around the clock supervision with this little person, no doubt you are probably experiencing her desire to be left alone as well. That’s right; she seeks and probably enjoys some time without you. That’s good. So prepare yourself, your little girl will need you less and less.
It’s not going to happen overnight and they still seek your company and occasionally (maybe more often than not) will still crawl into your bed for snuggling on those cold winter nights. But they are expressing themselves as an individual person and will need the space to stretch. And trust me, no kid wants a helicopter parent.
When my daughter got a desk and chair added to her room at the beginning of Grade 1, she was very particular about what she wanted to keep on her desk and what she puts in her drawers. One day, she even put a handwritten Post-It note on the door “Nobody allowed” and occasionally closes the door for private time. I would peek into her room to see what she was doing and she would lift her head from her toys or books or whatever she was doing and demanded, “You have to knock, daddy!”
She seeks and probably enjoys some time without you. Your little girl will need you less and less. Distance builds closeness. Ironic, but this counter-intuitive approach is essential in maintaining tight fathers and daughters bonds. Always seek to build closeness after every separation. You don’t even need to talk about why there was distance; accept it as a necessary part of her growing up. Above all, stick around and be available.
Distance builds closeness. Ironic, but this counter-intuitive approach is essential in maintaining tight fathers and daughters bonds. A while back, I wrote an article about enjoying the time when my daughter is not with me. I stated that the time I spend without her is a time I use to wisely recharge, re-plan and get organized. I am in maintenance mode and only after this, can then spring to 100% daddy mode when she is with me again. It’s like a Formula One race car that needs to drop the speed to 0 mph for a necessary pit stop before going 200 mph again. Well, it works both ways. As your daughter readies for Grade 2, there will be additional demands and she will need more of her own space and time to figure things out. She needs to drop into that maintenance mode, often.
Expect this to happen increasingly and don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. They are not as mature as you and so you still need to be the adult. If there’s a tiff, let it be. Always seek to build closeness after every separation. You don’t even need to talk about why there was distance; accept it as a necessary part of her growing up. Ignoring her in retaliation of her ignoring you is punitive and damaging. People will remember the good stuff, but they will especially remember the bad. Keep conflict to a minimal. Above all, stick around and be available. You are her dad and no one can ever replace that. And she knows this.