Leaps of faith begin with baby steps
Dictionary definition for ‘leap of faith’ is an act of believing in or attempting of something to produce a specific outcome that cannot be assured. Colloquially, it is also used to describe an action taken by an individual who believes he or she can achieve something in spite of previous evidence of having done so. Whatever its context, there is an element of unknown and an assumption of risk an individual is willing to accept to follow his or her gut ambition. As adults, we do this often in our lives. Without little assurances and no guarantees, we make big decisions about accepting a job or entering into a relationship and hope for the best. We’ll never know for sure what could have been or whether the decision can be remade, but we generally live our lives taking one or two steps at a time hoping that it will bring us forward. There are occasional setbacks, but generally, our gambles are not so big that we can’t recover either quickly or completely.
In an ideal world, we would have all the information on hand before we can make any decision. I don’t think any of us live in that world so we make decisions based on what we know to be true. For children who have so little experiences to rely upon, they don’t encounter many forks on their road, especially when parents so overwhelmingly monitor their lives and so strenuously eliminate hardship from their paths. They have even fewer opportunities to make decisions much less make ones that pushes them outside their sphere of comfort. So what sort of practice can you offer your child to encourage them to take calculated risks which will not only help them build confidence but competence? You do it one event at a time, so their road is literally littered with experiences of small successes and setbacks. The success or failure of empowering your child so she begins to trust her own judgment depends upon many things but three are top of mind.
Leaps of faith aren’t blind and reckless catapults off a cliff; they are measured and incremental steps to empowerment that should be rehearsed and repeated.
First establish boundaries and give her clear directions on what is and isn’t permitted within that space. Second, don’t expect a particular outcome. In the absence of complete information, she’s filling in the gap and making assumptions upon which to base her decisions. She won’t know what specific result to expect and so you can’t foist one on her either. Third let mistakes happen. They are the asphalt paving the road to success. If you admonish her for even the slightest things, her burgeoning curiosity will retreat not necessarily because she fears failure, but she fears your disappointment even more.
At the age of 9, my daughter wanted to walk over to her friend’s house which is a good 15 minutes away. I’ve always walked with or have driven her and so she’s familiar with the route and I felt comfortable with her level of maturity to let her go on a weekend afternoon. She called me when she got there and a few hours later, she called me again to say that her and her friend were coming back. Along the way, they stopped at a five-and-dime and bought some bubble gum and took a different path through a popular playground. They repeated this throughout the afternoon going back and forth between the houses and each time taking a slightly different route.
The other parents and I would admit that we didn’t know where the girls were at any particular time other than knowing their expected destinations. They also didn’t give tell us that they were going to stop in at a variety store nor did they sought permission. They operated within this reasonable context which required no supervision. In fact, I prefer this type of parenting compared to stories where parents were arrested for letting their children walk alone or play in the park without supervision. I think our society has become overly handicapped. The old adage that fish do not swim in distilled waters is even more pertinent today.
Leaps of faith aren’t blind and reckless catapults off a cliff; they are measured and incremental steps to empowerment that should be rehearsed and repeated. In fact, taking leaps of faith doesn’t mean waiting for the right condition hoping that it’ll work out it the end, but the belief that one has the confidence and independence to affect outcomes.
