The birds and the bees (Part 2): Anatomical parts
My daughter and I were strolling in the park one day and we came across a red squirrel. Its tail was of a crimson red with a fiery pattern. I shouted, “Look at that squirrel.” She responded with amazement, “She’s pretty.” My daughter assigns the female gender to all her stuff toys. But this time, I decided to ask, “How do you know it is a girl?” She paused with a ‘really?!?’ expression on her face. “Look at it, daddy,” remarking on the absence of a penis.
In another unrelated conversation I had had, my daughter and I were talking about her mom and me before she was born. I made an off-hand remark that if I didn’t meet her mom; she would never have been born! A quick retort from her stated that it wasn’t so and that “Mommy would still have me. She made me in her tummy and boys can’t do that!” She was so close to the truth and I was so close to spilling the beans. But I didn’t.
Most children at the age of seven don’t need to hear it nor do they care about the physicality and mechanics of sex. But if it does happen, it could be to forestall or correct inaccurate information that she may have been exposed to at the schoolyard, especially from higher grade students. The important thing to note here is that you needn’t have a rehearsed speech on sexuality with a seven year-old. What would be more helpful is to have a series of simple, fact-based revelations that are driven by her questions. This way, she gets the right answers to the questions that are actually on her mind.
These two innocent conversations tell me that my daughter understands sex as gender categories and not as the physical coupling which is necessary to produce an offspring. Her understanding is remarkably uncomplicated and since she hasn’t begun to push the boundaries of sexual knowledge, I decided to allow her childhood to stretch out for just a bit longer. She didn’t ask about it anymore and I didn’t feel the need to explain it further. Generally, parents decide when to teach their child about sex-ed. Some parents don’t ever have the discussion, but if it does happen, it could be to forestall or correct inaccurate information that she may have been exposed to at the schoolyard, especially from higher grade students.
Most children at the age of seven don’t need to hear it nor do they care about the physicality and mechanics of sex. I would even go so far to say that menstrual cycles, arousal, erection, penetration and child birth are topics that might frighten them; it certainly would gross them out. You’d have to gauge your own child’s inquisitiveness and readiness and keep things simple. But if you do have this discussion, use appropriate and anatomically correct words like penis and vagina; not wee-wees and woo-woos. Your child is getting older and you shouldn’t use baby words to describe mature topics. If a child shows interest, it’s likely they were exposed to conversations they do not fully understand. While you probably shouldn’t put the genie back in the bottle, don’t feel you need to go into elaborate explanations, either.
For me, I’m in no hurry as my child showed only incremental interest in the topic. She understands at a conceptual level that females have babies and babies nurse. She knows that males cannot do this. For now, she is satisfied with this knowledge. She is teetering on an imminent discussion as she continues to increase her understanding about the difference between females and males. The important thing to note here is that you needn’t have a rehearsed speech on sexuality with a seven year-old. What would be more helpful is to have a series of simple, fact-based revelations that are driven by her questions. This way, she gets the right answers to the questions that are actually on her mind.