The daddy tax
That’s what I used to say whenever a piece of dessert gets plated or an ice cream cone flies by me on the way to my daughter—it’s an opportunity for me to take a forkful or a lick before she gets it. This is especially evident whenever we go for burgers and fries. I’m either too full or fearful to order my own combo set, so instead opt to steal a few of hers. It’s the daddy tax. For years, I have gotten away with it and she just accepted it as necessary taxation. One day, she asked me to hold on to her boba Popsicle while she disappeared into the bathroom. Then I took 4 bites from each corner! When she returned, her face was contorted in an expression of surprise, disgust and incredulous acceptance followed by a bone chilling cut eye. Then she said, “Wait until there’s a daughter tax!”
Like a perfectly timed clap of thunder for dramatic effect, it dawned on me that one day, the tide will be turned and the realization that I’m doomed! She’s going send me into an old age home and forget about me. There’ll be strangers changing my diapers, orderlies feeding me pulverized mush and my only form of entertainment will be reruns of 80s sitcom before I am medicated back to bed. I blinked and just as quickly, the clouds disappear, blues skies abound, and I hear the laughter of my daughter.
As a dad, I feel indignant about collecting a daddy tax over Halloween candy, dessert, drinks and even a bite of her meal because life is hard and, well, none of this would have happened if I wasn’t around. So, there’s no free lunch and she’d better get used to it. Even lions eat first so it really is a natural order of things, I convinced myself.
Even lions eat first so it really is a natural order of things, I convinced myself.
But my daughter is not your average 11 year-old. She has a memory like an iron trap and she has a strong sense of justice and fairness. I just didn’t think that she would use it on me. When all the taxes are collected, she will probably want to calculate a refund! All joking aside, there will be a day when I am no longer a working man. While I am careful with my finances to be self-sufficient in my retirement age, my physical health will continue a predictable trajectory.
But this article isn’t about financial planning. However, it does hint of a future outcome where gender stereotypes could influence caregiving when she is an adult and you are a geriatric. Research does confirm that women are overwhelmingly considered better at providing care than male counterparts. The fact of the matter is that my daughter is a female, only-child with no real step-siblings. She will have to divided her time between caring for both elderly parents. If she has her own career and/or family, the demands on her time will be even greater. As ironic as it sounds, your daughter may not even be in a situation to tax your goods as she’ll have less time to spend than either of you currently enjoy.
So my advice is to plan for the future, but definitely live in the present and tax away. Spend all the time you can and develop all sorts of intertwining interactions with your daughter. Because of social pressures and expectations, dads are already spending less time than mothers with their kids (generally). But we should observe what the Finlanders do. It is the only country where dads spend more time with school-aged kids than mothers. But this is helped with generously paid paternity leave, universal day care, and other programs of true equality. This doesn’t come cheap, though. The Finns pay a whopping 44% in taxes. But if much of the social programs are publicly funded that aim to prevent families from falling through the cracks, then I think this tax works well for this social democracy. So long as the tax is ploughed back into helping net receivers, then even net givers will benefit. I think we can all learn something here. I for one will continue to levy a huge daddy tax on my daughter!
