Praise is nice, but recognition is more appropriate for older kids
Like many kids who take to water easily, my daughter finished all the levels of the Red Cross program very quickly. This kid spent so much time in the water, she’d developed webbing between her fingers! And as she handed me her last badge, I had an idea of putting them into a scrapbook. With an incomplete set, I scrounged around looking for the others. Some were at her mom’s and others were kept in safe places that have all been forgotten. So I went back to the club and paid for the replaced badges and decided instead to mount them in a picture frame. Then I put it in a gift bag with colorful tissue paper and handed it to her as a surprise. She took it out and was immediately touched by the gesture. We found a free spot on her wall and hung it proudly in her room.
A child in her tween years is no longer just a child with childish thinking. Once upon a time, my daughter’s swim lessons were necessary life skills to acquire. Her own interest drove her participation and it became an extracurricular activity once a week. Not long after this, her connections with peers and coaches deepened to form social ties that have become social anchors. She’s now psyched to be a part of a competitive team swimming multiple times a week. In the hundreds of hours (probably approach a thousand) spent in the pool, her once requisite activity had become a decidedly significant achievement. And it is worth calling out. Here are a couple of reasons.
We’re not talking about lavishing a child with praise for mere efforts anymore. We are talking about recognizing hard work over a sustained period of time. It is an endorsement of her increasing individuality.
- We’re not talking about lavishing a child with praise for mere efforts anymore. We are talking about recognizing hard work over a sustained period of time. For my daughter, she’s been at this since she was three years-old. She’s spent two-thirds of her life working to get to where she is. For her, her own accomplishment made it all the more special because so few from her peer group has progressed as far as she has.
- Another reason to call out her accomplishment is because they are truly her own. Even though I may have introduced her to the activity, it was she who took it this far. I never had any expectations that beyond learning basic water skills and swimming a couple of laps, she would take it to this level. Her accomplishment is truly independent of my choice and me congratulating her is an endorsement of her increasing individuality.
Recognizing and calling out attitude and actions that are above and beyond are appropriate and memorable forms of acknowledgment. It’s no different from workplaces appreciation where a manager would publicly gather the team to thank an individual with an award certificate and (hopefully) a small envelop.
It’s time to stop refreshing the fridge with new artwork and frame a few of them. Her grand efforts deserve a spotlight unto itself. Make it memorable and make it permanent. Hanging those swim badges were important to her, so it was important to me, too.
