Your daughter has boundaries also. Respect them.

There are innumerable articles available about setting healthy boundaries for your child. I’ve written a few of them myself in this blog ranging from behavorial, risk taking and even authority. But this conversation is about the boundaries that your daughter is beginning to establish in which she gets a chance to dictate to others how they need to behave around her. As startling as this may sound, it’s even more important that we, as dads, foster and not dismiss this budding independence.

Consider this, only healthy and confident children would feel comfortable enough about pushing and setting new boundaries. A child who is constantly oppressed or bullied would seek to withdraw into a place of safety and acceptance as a priority; the fact that your daughter is expressing the opposite and showing a degree of sass is actually proof of confidence being built. It means they are beginning to know themselves well enough and are comfortable in projecting their identity. I’m not talking about them mouthing off or being argumentative; I’m talking about a genuine rapport that is both negotiating and engaging.

Only healthy and confident children would feel comfortable enough about pushing and setting new boundaries. It’s also essential for self-survival in social circles especially when bullying and intimidation are such mainstream problems. Children need to believe that their assertions have effect. They need to believe that their words are meaningful and be respected by others.

When a girl sets her own boundaries, she dictates the terms of interaction with others. For my daughter, sometimes she would withdraw into her bedroom with the door closed. She has even written a cheeky sign that says ‘nobody allowed’. I accept this as her quiet and personal time and space and don’t intrude. It is empowering for her. I’m good with that. We as adults, withdraw to a quiet place for quietness and contemplation, so why would it be a difficult concept to accept for children to express the same? Granted, their days aren’t filled with the same types of stress we adults have, but children at this age are exposed to comparable levels of tension in their daily lives, too. In some aspects, I would say more so as they are consistently challenged in the way they are socialized to new people and situations while not having all the coping mechanisms we have learned over the years.

The important thing for us to recognize is her burgeoning individuality. Recognizing, non-interfering and encouraging them to establish their own boundaries are essential for a growing child. It’s also essential for self-survival in social circles especially when bullying and intimidation are such mainstream problems. Whatever their boundaries, so long as they are appropriate, proportional and reasonable, we should do our best not to cross them. Children need to believe that their assertions have effect. They need to believe that their words are meaningful and be respected by others.