Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
I was once asked what the opposite of love is. “Hate?” I guessed. No, it’s apathy, I was corrected. I pondered that for a moment and soon saw the logic. Hate takes effort. It requires thought and focus. To communicate this hate requires concentration; and its expression requires much to sustain this emotion. One can say that hating something is the same as loving something, only it has replace positive energies with negative ones. And pouring all that energy into something (or someone) may not necessarily speak of abhorrent emotions, but of frustrated exasperation. Hating something gives an object existence and purpose. Let’s look at three ways where my daughter mistakes enemies where there aren’t any.
Her class. As much as my daughter sometimes think that her school friends and teachers hate her, the opposite is true. Yes, she is taunted and sometimes the center of pranks, but if her friends truly hated my daughter, she would not have a circle of girlfriends that she hangs with. The fact that the girls interchange shenanigans is testament that they are fond of each other’s friendship. And as these pranks transition into the classroom, the teachers scold and reprimand them for being disruptive. Teachers don’t hate the students. The very opposite is true. The teachers want the kids to pay attention to lessons and learn the consequences when they don’t.
Fault not the person who admonish her for they have reason to do it for her; be wary of the person who lets her off the hook for they have reasons to do it for themselves.
Her coach. As much as my daughter thought her old swim coach hated her and made her perform Herculean efforts, held her back from progressing to new levels because he felt she could do better and tired her out so much she nearly puked, the opposite is true. Yes, there were times she was pushed so hard as a young athlete, she wanted to quit, but if her coach truly hated her, he wouldn’t have bothered to spend so much time training her and pushing her to levels she didn’t know she was capable. The fact that she is now in a highly successful competitive swim team that has trained former Olympians is testament that her former coach knew she could succeed beyond his teaching. And now she knows that too.
Her dad. As much as my daughter sometimes think that her life at home is full of chores and life with me isn’t always a picnic, the opposite is true. Yes, I have berated her for breaking my French press and yelled at her for not listening, being lazy or doing something she should know better not to, but if I didn’t truly love my daughter, this blog wouldn’t exist. The fact that I sometimes lavish tough love on my daughter is evidence that I want her to be better.
Excellence requires hard work. Hard work requires effort. And effort is sometimes drudgery. Getting through it takes more than gentle praises. In fact, praising mere efforts is perfunctory and can be patronizing. The people who push my daughter out of her comfort zone believe it is good for her. They also singularly believe in the fact that my daughter will ultimately exceed beyond their own ability to teach her. Fault not the person who admonish her for they have reason to do it for her; be wary of the person who lets her off the hook for they have reasons to do it for themselves.
