Parenting is not one thing; it is a million little things
Parenting is arguably the toughest thing I have ever attempted. There was next to no training and no ramp up. Though you don’t have to know and do everything perfectly, you do have to know and do everything just well enough. There are so, so many things to know and do. And so, parenting is never just one thing; it’s like the reference to the TV series, it’s A Million Little Things. Having the joy of being a father to a young person for little more than a decade now, I have already learned and relearned some lessons which I had known but never fully appreciated until now.
Family is undeniable. Love it or hate it, our past is inescapable. My own family has had more than its share of trials and tribulations. Even today, I get along better with some of my siblings than others. And knowing where I come from and understanding my own neuroses helps me understand why I say and do the things I do. I can’t know who I am and where I’ll go without knowing who I was and where I’ve been. Your tarmac is your daughter’s runway.
Don’t ever give up, especially when things go wrong. Failure is only one outcome of many. How many times have you seen someone try and try again, only to finally succeed with the last exhausted breath and at that instant, be fully recharged again? It’s counterintuitive where this energy comes from, but reserves are tapped only when the main tank is depleted. Even John Lennon vouched for that. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not, then it is not the end.
The Japanese word, kintsugi, best describes the art of fixing what is broken. It is a philosophy that treats breakage and repair as an integral part of life rather than something to disguise.
Give them a chance, and another, and another and another. I remember teaching my daughter how to ride a bike, as all of you did. You didn’t count the number of times you had to dust off the heap of metal and flesh wiping away tears. You did it for as long as you didn’t need to do it anymore. It’s like changing her diapers, you’ll stop when you need to, but will press on without complaint until that happens. And speaking of the shit we single dads clean up, for me, my ex’s is still my daughter’s mother. The mom’s diminishing role in our lives continue to add color to our father/daughter existence. It truly was foretelling when the officiant at our wedding said, “Till death do you part.” So do it not for yourself or your ex. There’s only one reason why you any of this.
An Afghan in a thread. Every single thread in an Afghan is no less important than another. Together, each strand, however seemingly insignificant, becomes an integral part of the whole which adds to its completion and strength. The richness of the life my daughter and I have isn’t built solely on good memories—it’s built on tears, sweat and blood also. Mending what broke often makes it stronger. Works for broken bones as well as fractured relationships. It adds richness. The Japanese word, kintsugi, best describes the art of fixing what is broken. It is a philosophy that treats breakage and repair as an integral part of life rather than something to disguise.
Parenting is never one thing. It’s everything, big and small. Memorable or not. We wish never to forget any part of it. We simply wish to live through and experience all of it!
