Do what I do, not what I say

The old expression of ‘do as I say and not as I do’ reeks of paternalism and if you are trying to raise a daughter who stands up for herself, this model will eventually backfire on you. Even if you see the bigger picture and tell her to do something for her own good, she only sees her viewpoint. Forcing her to do what you say will make her feel like you’re bullying her. You keep doing this and she could think that bullies will win. Eventually, one of two things will happen: she’ll rebel or worse, she’ll accept it and feel defeated.

You want her to meet guys who are confident, reliable and kind with outstanding moral integrity? You be that guy, first. You want to bully your daughter into compliance and she’ll grow up scrapping the bottom of the barrel for men of questionable intent because she either feels good men don’t exist or she doesn’t deserve them.

I have found that nothing drives another’s compliance better than your own actions. You want her to listen and pay attention? You don’t be dismissive and allow people to finish their sentences. (I’m often guilty of this and at the workplace, too!) You want her to keep trying at things she fails to do the first time? You don’t swear in frustration when things don’t work out your way. You want her to be patient and compassionate? You take the time to be engaging. When she sees you putting things away in the house, she learns good habits to tidy her room. When you feed and walk the dog without fail, she will care for her pets in more ways than just petting it. When she sees you are cordial to neighbors, she will be social and outgoing.

Guys, as fathers we have incredible abilities to shape our daughter’s image of men. You want her to meet guys who are confident, reliable and kind with outstanding moral integrity? You be that guy, first. You want to bully your daughter into compliance and she’ll grow up scrapping the bottom of the barrel for men of questionable intent because she either feels good men don’t exist or she doesn’t deserve them. So don’t tell your daughter to do what you say. Instead, lead by example, so she can do what you do.