What you’re really doing when your face is in the phone
It’s a form of child neglect. Yes, you taking your attention away from your child can have serious consequences depending on their age. In a fraction of a second, your eyes off a toddler could blind you from her misstep as she plummets off a playground platform. The minutes you have spent staring at your phone are racked against the cumulative moments your child continues to feel they do not have your attention, your conversation and ultimately, your care as she approaches her teenage years. In the end, she’ll likely approach you tentatively as she discovers new things and experiences or maybe she’ll remain silent as she feels you don’t have the patience or interest anyway. You misinterpreting her silence as confirmation that she’s okay will further confirm her belief.
There’s plenty of evidence to show that babies who do not get actual face time with the parents can manifest in loss of postural control, eye contact and resort to self-soothing techniques far beyond their age. Conversely, there’s amble evidence to show that infants who have frequent high touch, human interactions, demonstrate advanced expression through mimicry and have accelerated language development. This type of learning and interaction between parent and child never really stops.
Eventually, she’ll likely approach you tentatively as she discovers new things and experiences or maybe she’ll remain silent as she feels you don’t have the patience or interest anyway. You misinterpreting her silence as confirmation that she’s okay will further confirm her belief.
Having said that, you also don’t need to bathe your child in attention either and suffocate her with a blanket of parental management. Helicoptering is very negative not only for the child, but also the parent. So the real simple thing to do is just being there and being available. The trick to accomplish this is to be in the moment when you are with your child. Bottomline is that you are giving her your presence. Even when there is no dialog, as in a long car ride, much can still be shared and communicated in comfortable periods of silence. There’s no compelling reason to fill every moment with words. And just because there’s no active dialog, doesn’t mean you should substitute it with a newsfeed, either.
The pandemic has caused a clash of work and home and has wreaked havoc with our work life balance. But that doesn’t mean the increased screen time for everyone has to be the new normal. In fact, now is a very good time to reset many aspects of social isolationism.
As the world opens up more and more, go outside. Initially, your eyes will appreciate the natural light. Rediscover the shops and restaurants that have closed and give your business to the remaining struggling establishments. There are renewed opportunities for everyone to explore post-pandemic. Use the phone’s underutilized visual search or lens apps. Instead of point and click, aim and identify!
At the end of the day, your world is the unfiltered openness that is being unmasked; it’s not the curated data feeds that purposely distracts and addicts you to that piece of glass. Your daughter is vying for your attention since she was born. Your face planted in your phone tells her she’s not the priority.
