Fish do not swim in distilled waters

I remember as far back as my own Grade One, I used to walk myself to school and back. There was no such thing as after school programs and my parents didn’t worry about the time between when school finished and when they got home. I just played with other kids and came home when I got hungry.

Today, kids live in bubble wrapped. There is practically 24/7 supervision on everything they do. It started as audio/visual baby monitors and went from there. Protect them we must, but parents also need to let loose a bit and let children take acceptable risks.

There are a lot of things kids can do around the home for themselves without your supervision. And they should do them by and for themselves. At dinner, don’t cut up their food. When my daughter struggled with her pork chop dinner while using children’s utensil, she asked me to cut it up for her. I used to do that. But she’s getting older and instead, I said, “Why don’t you go to the kitchen and grab a proper steak knife.” You should have seen the delight on her face when she carefully and deliberate carved a morsel of meat for herself. There are of course boundaries. I told her that daddy’s cleavers, carving knifes, bread knifes and anything serrated are still out of bounds until she can cook a whole meal.

She was scared at first, but did it, under supervision. Exposure to risks helps her to identify her own comfort level. It sends a signal that you trust them. It also tells them that they are growing up and can take on new things. Most importantly, it builds confidence in your kid. Without struggle, there is no progress.

We were lighting scent candles the other day and I asked if she wanted to strike the match. She tried the wooden ones with sulphur tips. She was scared, but did it. Truth was, she didn’t care to be playing with fire as the idea of having a flame so close to her little fingers still gave her a bit of fright. But nevertheless, she was exposed to it and she identified her own comfort level.

Slowly allowing your child to step out of their safety zone and take some measured risk is healthy for them. It sends a signal that you trust them. It also tells them that they are growing up and can take on new things. Most importantly, it builds confidence.

The amount of risk you are willing to expose your child to really depends on knowing your child and their ability to handle it – and of course, your own comfort level. Sending them out with bus fare and telling them that they can find their way to school may probably get you into trouble with the authorities. But accompanying them while staying three steps behind and ask them to let you know when they need to get off or transfer to another bus is a great idea. Letting them cross the street at the green light as you are literally 3 steps back is another way for them to learn to be street smart.

Kids who are exposed to challenges get to demonstrate their creativity to problem solve. It is good practice and the contrary could delay development. Growing up doesn’t come with a user manual and they shouldn’t be spoon fed instructions for everything. Let them figure it out. The last thing you want is for your child to grow up to be a permission seeking, instruction receiving adult. Without struggle, there is no progress.