Blink and a decade has passed

I was talking to other dad friends whose kids are the same age as mine. We were planning on switching middle schools and in the conversation of comparing neighborhoods and academics, one of us asked, “How is it possible that our kids have crossed the decade mark? Wasn’t it just yesterday we were still taking them to daycare and napping twice a day?” Another replied, “Yeah, I missed napping.” Then we all looked at each other laughing, not knowing how else to process all of it. A decade seemed to have passed in an instant. We also can’t believe we’re almost two-thirds the way through; in another six years, our kids would be applying to colleges and universities and leaving home.

I had a similar epiphany nearly 5 years ago when I wrote the article The days may drag, but the years will fly. Back then, it was an article written to reflect and appreciate the chaos of my daughter’s childhood. Now, I wish for everything to slow down so I can catch up. I don’t spend much time lamenting as I feel I am constantly making and remaking new moments and new memories. But some are worth reliving. And as I think of the brief time I have raising a little person, the quality of those moments (for me) are measured against three questions.

 

The next six years will be a shorter period, and it will accelerate even faster. That’s because it’s our children who will co-create those moments to come. Bucket up! The ride ain’t over, not by a long shot.

 

If I can do it all over again, would I do the same things? There are few things in life that I regret doing. I am generally happy with the way I am parenting my daughter. I celebrate good times and I learn from the bad. Most of my conversations have been chronicled here for the world to read and this is something I am particularly proud of. I hope one day, she will know how much she occupies her old man’s thoughts.

Is there anything I would leave unsaid? I’ve taught my daughter that it’s better to be forthright (most of the time) so that people can react to the truth. Candor is always the better part of courage. Glossing things over and excessive praise will do more harm; there’s much benefit that comes from making mistakes. I love my daughter and I speak to her everyday as though it was my last, leaving little undone and nothing unsaid.

If my sacrifices give her choices, is it really sacrifice? I was once asked by a friend what my life would be like if I didn’t have children. I quite honestly couldn’t imagine such a reality, now. Being a father has become so much of who I am, that it’s like asking me to cut off a limb. I can’t do it. And while I may have more freedom being childless, I much prefer to be forever anchored to my daughter.

After a long pause, I looked up at my friends and said, “Yes, I can believe that a decade has passed. And we filled every moment with everything.” The next six years will be a shorter period, and it will accelerate even faster. That’s because it’s our children who will co-create those moments to come. Bucket up! The ride ain’t over, not by a long shot.