I forget at what age my daughter told me she didn’t want me to hold her hand crossing the street anymore. And as hesitant as I was to give her this freedom, I was never more than 2 steps behind. Growing up, my daughter was either driven or accompanied everywhere. Even at school, kids from K-to-6 had parental drop-off and pick-up and only on an exceptional basis, did my daughter occasionally take public transit to return home. And she was in Grade 5.

Now at her new middle school, which is adjacent to a larger high school and walking distance from our home, I was told that I no longer need to walk her there anymore. I felt a bit of melancholy as I just witness another moment of her growing up. I went through the emotions of shock, happiness, sadness, followed by acceptance all within a span of 2 seconds. I get it, parental supervision reeks of childish dependence and when kids in the building are as old as 17 and in Grade 12, she’d just assume that I wasn’t there.

I’m trying not to take it personally but it was difficult to rationalize the spontaneous request. It was something I had done twice a day for the better part of a decade. I still remember her tearful drop-offs. And now suddenly, I had two seconds to compose myself to a new reality. Tweens are brutal!

 

As fast as they are cutting the cords that have moored them in safe harbor, it may be time to incrementally give them more slack. She’s still far too young to be sailing on her own power but she’s also far too old for you to be her constant copilot.

 

Once upon a time, my daughter wanted to hold my hand while she’s sitting in the backseat of the car. “I’m gonna need both my hands to drive, sweetie.” But daddy, I don’t want you to drive away leaving me behind in the backseat! As she got older, sometimes a hug and a kiss come in the form of a squeezed shoulder and a tilted head. And now in front of her middle school building where there are other cool kids, the last thing she needs is a public display of anything from her old man.

School isn’t just for academics; it’s a hangout. For tweens going on teens, the schoolyard is their marketplace exchanging conversations and ideas in what’s hip, modern and relevant to them. The last thing my daughter needed was a middle-aged guy walking her in sweats and a t-shirt cramping her style. Not only does she need to worry about her branding at school, but she also doesn’t need to be cobranded with me, either. And as much as my daughter is a strong-minded individual, she still very much cares about the popular opinions of her peers.

Kids at the precipice of adolescence will begin to pull away from their parents. Depending on the parent-child relationship, conversations are patchy and selective. It’s no wonder that this is a tough age for everyone as they transit from childhood. According to Piaget’s four stages of childhood cognitive development, this is the last: formal operations. At this stage, they begin to develop the ability to see another’s point of view and hence, they ascribe value to those external opinions. So social circles and the hierarchy of the actors are extremely important. As fast as they are cutting the cords that have moored them in safe harbor, it may be time to incrementally give them more slack. She’s still far too young to be sailing under her own power but she’s also far too old for you to be her constant copilot.

My daughter not needing me to drop her off (occasionally) is just her way of demarcating what she considers her world with me from her world with others. She’s growing up. As bittersweet as that is, that was always my goal. And at the end of this day or that day, it’s a great thing!