The Children’s song The Wheels on the Bus is universally popular because it is simple, easy to remember, easy to sing and repetitive just like the wheels going round and round. Its single verse can be sung endlessly to illustrate the simple idea. Which is the reason why I used it to illustrate an analogy for my daughter’s friends at school.
When my wife and I switched our daughter’s school in Grade 2, I had initial concerns about uprooting her from the daycare/kindergarten community of friends she’d always known. But she instantly loved the environment and her teacher (who has become her favorite) taught her to read in less than a week. She loved the school and made friends instantly. While she has fleeting memories from her junior days, toward the latter years of that school, she was surrounded by a solid group of friends. For a bunch of Grade 6ers, it wasn’t without drama. There were cliques, popularity themes, and she even came home asking to switch schools because some of her friends were bitches. But on the whole, the school was hers and her friends’ roost to rule and she eventually outgrew that too.
Around the age of middle school, her relationships got more invested. The frequency of contact, intensity and quality with these friends also rose. Besides the experimentation with a boyfriend amongst a pool of knuckle-draggers, she’s also discovering that she’s outgrown many of them. And even one of her besties in Grade 8 was having a battle royale with her. Toward the end of her middle school years, she’d come home from school mentally drained. She spends the full school day with these people and any interactions, either positive or negative will have an effect on her. It’s no different than our own relations with coworkers. How we end the workday can very much be impacted by what happened during that workday.
As much as you feel very torn by your circle of friends who lift you up and pull you down, you probably haven’t met your best friend yet.
“As much as you feel very torn by your circle of friends who lift you up and pull you down, you probably haven’t met your best friend yet.” Really? My daughter asked thinking that her world is only what she saw. “While I know a few people from my grade school days, my best friends I met in high school. And some of the closest friends I now have, I only met at university!” Really? “Not all friendships are lifelong. In fact, most aren’t.” Really?
I used a bus analogy. People will get on and off at different stops. Others are predicable in that they will always get on a specific stop at a specific time. They exit that way too. They bring a backpack or other baggage and may take up two seats. Some may even put their feet up onto an opposing chair. But every passenger is on a journey and whom they meet on this bus is happenstance. “Now here’s the secret: you are the driver on this bus!” Really? “Yes, don’t they teach you any other words in school?”
Like passengers getting on and off, her friends and acquaintances will also do the same as my daughter journeys forward. Some will stay longer because of common interests (swim team) and common goals (moving to the next school), but ultimately, everyone has their own destination and very seldom will someone trek the whole route with her.
Are you on this bus, daddy? “Once upon a time, I was your driver! In many ways, you’re co-piloting with me and very soon will take over, if you haven’t done so already.” And I’m happy for her. And she’s happy that her journey really hasn’t even begun. We paused there and became silent as we both realized that one day, even daddy will get off this bus of hers. The song doesn’t sing about this part. And almost instantly, she realized that her bus hasn’t even left the neighborhood yet. There are so, so, so many more miles to go.
