Let her watch you cry

Sometime after the eleventh time of watching that Disney movie with my daughter, we got to see the full length movie again without interruption. No need to explain a word, no need to pause for a washroom break. And because we watched it uninterrupted, we followed the entire journey of the protagonist going through a coming of age experience and at the moment of reckoning (being so wrapped up by the story), I shed a sympathetic tear. My daughter turned to me and said, “Daddy, you’re crying.”

I think I was more surprised than she was. First, I didn’t expect to be so immersed into the movie I had already seen many times before. Second, I didn’t expect to focus so intensely to have elicited such an emotional response. Finally, I was not expecting to be caught off-guard. I’ve shed tears before in proud moments or family funerals, but it is unusual for me to react this way over an animated movie that I’ve seen a million times already! My only response back to my daughter was, “It was a sad part!”

I’ve always told my daughter that if she’s happy, laugh and share it. If she’s angry, express it and understand what it was that made her feel that way. If she’s sad, cry and surround herself with compassion. Essentially, I tell her to feel the emotion, express it and move through it. Then why should I do any differently?

Tears are not unusual for her. If she’s tired or hungry, she’ll cry. She’ll have a tantrum and cry. If she’s frustrated and sad, she’ll cry. Sarcasm could make her cry. Heck, she’s even gotten into a fight and made a boy cry. So she knows that crying is just a normal response. Whether it was a girl or a boy, big or small, she doesn’t think it to be weird. And so, after the credits have rolled, she didn’t think much about it anymore; neither did I.

In the twenty-first century, even the President was shown on national TV to have shed a tear over gun violence. Gone (and hopefully forever) are the days where judgments are made about men crying. The response to anyone who tells you to ‘man-up’ is direct and assertive eye-contact that is purposeful.

I’ve always told my daughter that if she’s happy, laugh and share it. If she’s angry, express it and understand what it was that made her feel that way. If she’s sad, cry and surround herself with compassion. Essentially, I tell her to feel the emotion, express it and move through it. As that is my advice to her, then why should I do any differently? I tell her that her feelings are 100% her own and no one can take it away. So why would I care if someone catches me off-guard, much less my daughter catching me off-guard.

I think what would be worse is to bottle up emotions. Crying releases pain and helps with the healing process, whether physical or emotional. It is not girly nor is it a sign of weakness. Have you ever heard that sometimes people laugh so hard, it made them cry? Why can’t the reverse be true for sadness to bring joy afterwards? It’s a completely normal part of life and it just makes you human.