The end of Grade 8 is still months away. But with a strong grade average, my daughter is looking toward the end of the year with excitement and already dreaming of collegiate life at a school and program of her choice in the coming academic year. With much of the core curriculum behind her, her usual focus and determination will make short work any assignment and she’s simply enjoying the last semester at the top of her grade and school as she prepares for the complete opposite: being a minor-niner in a new school.
General adolescent attitude toward high school is usually negative. That’s not because the syllabus is unknown or particularly difficult, but it’s the social integration and physical comparative that are on the minds of teens which make this time in their lives most challenging. Setting aside all the issues around puberty and traditional and changing definitions of gender roles, it’s the new social dynamics that is central on their minds. It’s knowing what they don’t know that gives them apprehension. This is very different from familiar conflict with existing friends and even outgrowing some of them. In both situations, the control is within themselves.
Pack lightly and use carry-on; drop the dead weight as baggage is rarely necessary.
My daughter has for months shown signs that she’s being short with her friends, having little patience with their drama and bored of the same conversations. While there are spurts of excited conversations brought on by familiarity and shared experiences, these moments are further and fewer now as the vast majority of my daughter’s friends know they are going to different schools and each knows that an end is coming. Some friends she’ll keep, others will wane. She knows from me that it’s exceedingly likely that she has yet to meet her best friend.
At the juncture of middle to high school, it’s full of apprehension. But I’d worry if she was still reluctant to move from her cozy group of existing friends as this speaks of detachment anxieties. As difficult as change is for everyone, what will be more difficult is a refusal to embrace it. While there is no guarantee that all future experiences will be positive and enriching, neither is there surety that they will be negative. Every moment is a learning opportunity and for my daughter, walking into a new venue filled with strangers, routines and performance expectations is not new. All she needs is to recall her swimming medals to remind herself instantly of all the blood, sweat and tears she endured for years to enjoy 60 seconds on the podium. To her, the height of those fleeting moments is worth every indelible moment of struggle and growth.
As a parent witnessing the bloom of my daughter’s adulthood, there is little I will do differently from every other stage she’s blown passed in life other than to be patient and to be there. She’s on a journey what will increasingly see me less and less alongside her. I am immensely happy yet immensely melancholic, but 100% proud. My only advice to her in life mirrors the advice I give her when we travel: pack lightly and use carry-on; drop the dead weight as baggage is rarely necessary. As I see her off, I remind her that ‘what she has, will always be here. What she needs, she can always get.’
