Near the end of last swim season, there was the one final regional meet that every swimmer tried to qualify for. My daughter was told a few weeks prior that she qualified for it and was super excited. She’d be competing with hundreds of other equally qualified swimmers. The memories of the near meltdown at the previous competition which resulted in her DNS (did not show) was again top of mind and she was once again, gripped with anxieties.
However, her coach has come a long way also during this season. And in recognizing this type of trauma in young swimmers, the coach started at first to talk about the generalities of nervousness at competition. But for my daughter, it wasn’t enough. Her coach had to up her game and she wound up sharing a story with my daughter about her own past experiences. Similar in situation, the once young swimmer had such a bad case of anxieties, that she started to hyperventilate. This disrupted her breathing so much she couldn’t take in enough oxygen and she started to turn blue (I’m not sure whether this part was true as my daughter retold the story to me). Everyone was scared and they called an ambulance and took her to the hospital! Obviously, she was fine and everything turned out well since she’s now a swim coach herself, but my daughter took away two things from this story. That her case of the heebie-jeebies was nowhere near hospitalization and it happens not just to everyone, but to the best of us.
At that last regional meet that morning, my daughter was slated to swim in one of the first heats of an early event. Even from the stands, I can see her slouched posture, arms crossed and occasionally wiping away what could be tears from her face as her coach stood with her. I could imagine the coach telling her that it’s an early swim. Just do your strokes like any practice and be done early! You’ve qualified for this meet so now just enjoy it! I can see my daughter nodding in agreement as she wiped her face again. She took to the block and at the signal, dove in and completed her 200M breaststroke. She later told me that she felt good enough at the end of that race and was happy she didn’t puke in the pool! She competed in another event 30 minutes after that with less drama. I think she’s finally hitting her stride and just enjoying the atmosphere.
Her third and final heat wasn’t for another couple of hours so we decided to leave the venue and go grab a light bite to eat. On our way back, my daughter got a phone call. It was her friend from the pool deck demanding to know where she is. “I’m with my dad across the street, grabbing a bite. Why?” Because they have been calling your name on the announcement. You got a medal! “WHAT?!?” my daughter screamed!
Medals didn’t spawn her confidence; she finally realized that they are the result of it.
She showed up at the last second with just enough time for the coach to snap a picture with her bronze hardware draped around her neck before the presenters ushered her off for the next batch of medalists. I was speechless as I witnessed this from afar. From that moment on, she was on a high. And even from afar, I could sense a different level of energy emanating from her. It wasn’t one of self-doubt with her arms crossed in a protective slouch, but rather a tall, hands on the hips with feet apart statement of confidence. She went on to take another bronze for medley and a silver for the relay, netting 3 pieces of hardware.
At the start of this competition, she felt intimated by the thousands of other swimmers who tried to qualify. As most young people do, she deprecated herself thinking that she’s the slowest swimmer there. But in the end, she finally realized that she always had it in her not only to compete well, but well enough to become the third ranked swimmer of her age, in that category, for that year, in the whole region! It was truly an exhilarating, enlightening redeeming experience for her.
It’s been a long journey for her. Over these couple of years, she’s grown and matured significantly. What helped her is knowing that adversities can happen to anyone, at any time. Although she may have felt she was the only person to bear this weight, she was never alone. The coach, the team and even me, the parent, had no precondition and no expectations for this competition. She’d already made it this far and basked at having qualified for the year-end event. She enjoyed herself and felt confident about herself at whatever level she swam. Medals didn’t spawn her confidence; she finally realized that they are the result of it.
On our drive home after the two-day event, I asked my daughter, “So do you think you’ve got this anxiety thing licked? You’re good now?” She stared at her three medals (her very first) and whispered, ‘I’m getting there’. I beamed in pride. “Let’s go get ice cream.”
