Your daughter is falling behind in reading? Relax!
My daughter’s formal Grade 1 education started as a natural progression from the Waldorf childcare center. In my opinion, this Steiner pedagogy approach which strived to develop children’s intellectual, artistic and practical skills in an integrated and holistic manner is one of the best education systems in the world. But near the end of Grade 1, our daughter was yearning to read; she wanted more structured academics! Really! I admit that even as a tiger dad, I had nothing to do with this. I explored other approaches eventually settling on an alternative, yet publicly funded school that adhered to the standard curriculum while fostering the Waldorf approach. The school is small so the ratios are low and the faulty superb. The school was also used to receiving students from the Waldorf system so integration into the new school was seamless. It was perfect, except our daughter had one disadvantage compared to those already enrolled: her reading skills (and academics generally) were below grade since the Waldorf approach was to delay these pursuits until later.
With a great teacher and lots of material on hand, our daughter began to read and write within three months of starting Grade 2. We were truly amazed at how quickly she soaked it up! She’d made some remarkable strides, but by Grade 4, her reading level was still a year behind the rest of her peers. Your own daughter may be in a situation where she could be performing below peer average in literature, mathematics or other studies. But you know what? It’s okay. First of all, where they are now is not a reflection of where they will be later. I’ve always believed that my daughter will attend college when she finishes high school and in today’s hyper-competitive world, she’ll likely peruse post-graduate studies, too. This means that she’ll read at a university level and beyond so it really is immaterial if she is one grade behind in reading at this point. Second, your child hasn’t stopped reading or learning for that matter. Her being behind may not be a statement of inability or disinterest; it could be any number of factors. Focus on those rather than fear she’ll fall behind forever.
Where they are now academically is not a reflection of where they will be later. I’ve always believed that my daughter will attend college when she finishes high school; so it really is immaterial if she reads one grade behind at this point. The worst thing you can do for your child is to have them live up to your expectations.
Keep in mind that if your child is behind, she probably knows it already and your worrying reactions can affect her self-confidence. A knee-jerk reaction probably won’t be helpful and a sudden focus on academics at the expense of other activities won’t encourage her to excel. In fact, studies have shown that heavy emphasis on hard academics with long hours of tutoring and homework comes at a cost of creativity and physical activity which could lead to increased anxiety, stress, anger and eventual disinterest in academics itself! In worst-case scenarios, such high pressures have even led to suicides. So let’s explore other ways to help our kids academically.
As parents, we want the best for our kids and we want them to excel at whatever they do. The tiger mom or dad in us will need to assess the situation specific to our own child. Is she refusing to discuss school and has anxiety about going? Is she acting out and misbehaving in ways that are not normal? Barring any type of bullying or other social concerns, does she connect with her friends and maintain other interests in extracurricular or is it a generalized detachment from everything? Has the teacher identified any type of learning disability? Is the child eating and sleeping properly? If some of these telltale signs are being expressed by your child, academic performance could be a symptom of something else. So your focus on academics could become a double whammy, setting them back both in scholastic and misdiagnosing the real cause. So stay calm and talk to your child. Maybe your child’s lapse is a temporary thing. They had an off-day and didn’t perform as well as they had hoped, much less as well as you had hoped. Expose your child to many subjects and interests and let them self-identify interests rather than vicariously pushing them. Also don’t have the expectation that they will excel in everything. That’s simply not realistic. Some children don’t have an ear for music; some can’t grasp languages as well as the next kid; others suck at mathematics. They each have their own strengths as not every kid was born to play Bach’s Minuets or calculate first derivative in their heads. Mastery takes time; be patient.
If your child has no developmental challenges, has no psychological issues, is physically able and socially connected then the consistent thing to do is to adhere to a regular routine, eat well, get lots of rest and give them tools so they refine their abilities over time. The best thing you can do for your child is to help them live up to their potential. The worst thing you can do for your child is to have them live up to your expectations.