The day I lost my kid in public
Yeah, it happened. Just like the day I forgot to pick up my kid at daycare (only once), I lost my kid in public, too (only once). But first, let’s put your mind at ease about my level of responsibility: there is no force in the universe more powerful than the protective nature of a father for his daughter. And second, the fact that I am writing about this means it ended well. So here goes: the venue was an amusement park so the area was very confined to begin with. It happened while a group of us parents along with our three children decided to go to the water park. While the parents were looking for lounge chairs to park towels and bags, the kids ran off to the water slides. It took some time to find three chairs side by side — much less six – but we settled for two. There were thousands of people in the park spread across a great number of acres and so it didn’t take long to lose all our kids! As parents, we didn’t know where they were or whether they were still together. Conversely, the kids would also not know where their parents were as they all bolted before we determined a meeting spot.
After some time, one of the parents looked up and then we all asked the same question, “Have you seen the kids?” That parent started to panic and I went on autopilot mode. I told the panicking parent to ‘man the station’ and wait for our return. The other parent and I went off in different directions so we can flank the park. The two of us didn’t find the kids and so we returned to the third to report back and prepared to escalate. Unbeknownst to us, our kids followed a plan. It was little different from the approach I had my daughter memorize from the day she was able to understand instructions.
There are no real opportunities to rehearse being lost, so the plan has to be simple and memorable: don’t panic, stay put and mobilize others to help. Seek out a woman with children. Seek out a father with children. As ironic as it sounds, it may be easier to seek out children because where there are children, there will be parents and guardians to help.
First, don’t panic. This is good advice for the parents, too. Resist the urge to freak out and scream that you’ve lost your child. Screaming out your child’s name would unlikely be effective in a crowded theme park anyway. Also, it is extremely unlikely that your child was abducted, much less three children at the same time. In fact, according to National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, out of 800,000 children that go missing each year in the United States, only about 115 are stranger abductions. That’s 0.014%. The odds that all three children were kidnapped by strangers in this enclosed park were astronomical indeed. So, keep calm. Don’t go to that dark place and don’t venture far from your venue. As I have always told my daughter, if she gets lost, keep calm and look for landmarks; I’m not far.
The challenge was that our kids took off before we decided on a meeting place (our bad move), so as the kids and two parents were moving separately within the crowd to find each other, no ground was ever covered. This means that the second point is critical: stay put (and together). In a time of crisis, I’ve told my daughter that if she ever got lost and needed help, she needs to seek out the police or an official. If none are available, find a woman with children; she will instantly know what to do. I’d even go as far as finding a man with children, given the commonplace of fathers looking after children, now. As ironic as it sounds, it may be easier to look for children because where there are children, there will be parents. But whomever she finds, stay put and don’t leave the area – not even to come look for me. This cannot be overstated. As we later found, our three kids did not venture far from the spot where they discovered they were lost and they stuck together like glue to support each other.
Lastly, mobilize others. The old advice about never talking to strangers can’t be a black and white rule for every situation. Our kids went immediately to the lifeguard (obviously a stranger) to say they couldn’t find their parents. The lifeguard followed procedures and summoned a park employee (another stranger) to handover the kids. They followed the park employee like ducklings to mother goose and the effort took on new momentum. My daughter gave the park employee my phone number and my real name, not ‘daddy’. The park employee called and as the pack of four made their way to greet the group of three parents, it was a matter of minutes before the reunion was made. This approach made the last escalation step for a public announcement unnecessary.
Quietly I was anxious but I knew my daughter well enough. There are no real opportunities to rehearse being lost, so the plan we spoke about had to be simple and memorable. Out of this experience, my daughter and her friends gain some confidence and a new life skill. I’ve gained more gray hairs and probably shaved a bit of time off my life.