The longest night (Part 2)

Before you dads search the website for Part 1 of this story, it doesn’t exist. Part 1 happened many years ago and probably happened to you also. I never wrote about it nor did I do anything about it and that’s why this issue has come back as Part 2.

Since the age of four, my daughter has been bouncing between my house and my ex’s. At this tender age, I took on a daddy’s approach to sleep training. Her mom does something different and while there’s no judgment on how people sleep train their child, I just prefer not to co-sleep. That’s just me.

So when I started 2 years ago, on a September evening just as my daughter was entering junior kindergarten. I said that as a big girl, she can start sleeping by herself as that is what all big girls do. I found a block of days when she would be spending consecutive nights at my house, got a new story time lamp, new pajamas and the whole nine yards. I put her in her own bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Then I went to my bed. A few hours later, footsteps came to my room.

Providing a child of divorce that little bit of warm snuggle at night can’t be a bad thing. She needs it. And to tell you the truth, I’ve come to enjoy it also.

“Daddy, I want a drink of water.”
“Daddy, I want to cuddle.”
Daddy, this and daddy that.
My reply was, “We talked about this….”

Do you know how silly it is to rationalize with a 4 year old at this hour?

According to some books I read, I was told that consistency and perseverance will make this a success. I got out of bed and took her back to her own bed and stayed until she slept. Again and again. This happened 17 times the first night. She didn’t get much sleep and I was a complete zombie at work. I was later told that she had a good 2 ½ hour nap at kindergarten. Jealous!

The second night was pretty much the same thing except instead of getting up 17 times, it was only 8. Nice! I am trending in a good direction!  The third night, I got up 3 times!  Great! I can sleep train this kid in 4 nights; a week tops! This is easy. One more night and that should do it.

Then she rotated to her mom’s house for a few nights. And when she came back to my place, she was sick and I sensed she was getting a fever. My precious progress was at risk. Sigh. As I nursed her back to health and tended to her while she got up at night to pee or take medicine (from my bed), I realized that there was a lot of comfort for both of us to co-sleep. For her, she really appreciated the added security and she loved to snuggle up and sometimes used my bicep as a pillow. And I do enjoy watching her sleep. Some of the other parents I shared this with (particularly the moms) asked why I was rushing it? We were divorced and co-sleeping gives our daughter comfort and security that she really needed. And she’s only four years old. I relented. I still put her to sleep in her own bed to start the night, but I don’t take her back if she sneaks into my bed mid-way through.  Sometimes, when I put her to sleep, I wind up falling asleep in her bed! And other times, I don’t even realize when she comes over to mine. Clearly I was the one who was sleep trained.

Fast forward two years. Now this is Part 2. She’s in Grade One. Same set-up. You’re a big girl, blah blah blah and all the big girls do this. Well, at 6 years old, they can talk back at 2 o’clock in the morning.

“No. I won’t go back. I want to stay here,” she cried.
“No. You need to sleep. Back in your bed,” I ordered with one eye shut.

And then all bets are off when we we are vacationing or staying over at family or friend’s guest room. You can’t win.

As a new dad, I naively thought that this was going to take 3 to 5 nights to sleep train! We’re now in year three. I know eventually, she’ll want her own space. And eventually, I would even miss those footsteps at night.  What killed all plans for sleep training was when she said, “Daddy, I’m just not ready right now.” Well, I guess providing a child of divorce that little bit of warm snuggle at night can’t be a bad thing. She needs it. And to tell you the truth, I’ve come to enjoy it also. Especially the weekends when we can all sleep-in!

I am sure there will be a Part 3.