Prelude to the birds and the bees (Part 1): Relationships
At the age of 7, my daughter’s understanding of human reproduction is quite generic. She’s known the proper names of anatomical parts since she was a toddler but no understanding of penetration and the birth process from fallopian tube to uterus through the cervix and vagina. Her innocent interpretation is that she was in mommy’s belly for 9 months and then the doctors took her out through the stomach. She saw evidence of mommy’s caesarian scar, a word based on the Latin caedere or to cut. Roman history is debated whether Julius Caesar was named after the procedure or whether his namesake was ascribed.
So when is sex-education appropriate? It varies by country. It varies by state. It varies by the type of school: public, private, religious, or even homeschool. And, of course, it most definitely varies depending on your perspective and comfort level. But the age of 7 or grade two is about the age when questions posed by children are genuine. They also have the ability to understand more of the surrounding context. And so sex education shouldn’t just be an explanation about physical functions; it should also be about relationships and social norms. All should be introduced and taught gradually from a factual and non-judging perspective. My opinion about introducing any serious topic to my daughter is that I’d like to be a part of the conversation. The last thing I want is for her to hear an alternative version from a third party about something as important as life.
Sex education shouldn’t just be an explanation about physical functions; it should also be about relationships and social norms. What is observable is what makes sense to a child. Highlight the relationship of things first. The understanding of the mechanism of things can come after.
When my daughter asked me about elephants being born, we actually found a video clip from the National Geographic archives on wild animals giving birth. The videos were appropriate for family viewing and it offered an objective view of the birthing process. There was a boy elephant and a girl elephant and then after a 22-month process, a new baby elephant is born. She was more astonished that the mommy elephant was pregnant for that long! Me, too!
Sex education isn’t just about sex itself. We did not talk about advanced topics like birth control, STD, consent or abuse. We simply focused on relationships. I have two guy friends who have adopted a child my daughter has spent time with. There is a girl in her class who has two moms. She has another friend whose mom had died and the paternal grandparents have full custody, and on and on. We visit distant relatives in extended families in the old country so she knows that the definition of family isn’t just mom, dad, daughter and a baby brother.
Understanding that sex education should be an ensuing discussion from understanding relationships makes sex-education a far easier topic to teach. It’s like riding a bike, you don’t give a 6 year-old a two-wheeled bike and expect them to ride right away; a whole lot had to have happened while the training wheels were still on. Complex topics can always be broken down into simpler constituents. Which is why I think the expression of the birds and the bees are quite apt. Bees carry and deposit pollen into flowers (fertilization) and birds build nests and lay eggs (female ovulation). These natural, observable events make sense to a child and highlight the relationship of things first. The understanding of the mechanism of things can come after.