The birds and the bees (Part 9): Sexual assault
Turn on the 6 o’clock news and it won’t be long before you hear stories about sexual misconduct and abuse committed by even the highest government or religious official. There’s no running away from it and shielding your daughter from this dark side of humanity will do nothing to protect her in the future.
I’ve always been an advocate that nothing brings about good behavior like shinning daylight onto a topic and let transparency dissolve secrecy in all its forms. A very good analogy my friend used is the action he’d take if he discovered a landmine: rather than covering it up or even throwing himself onto it to minimize damage, the best way to protect others (and himself) is to yell as loud as he could so others can react! Both are excellent approaches.
As difficult as it is to describe the deplorable actions of people to each other in this world, I don’t want my daughter to grow up to fear it, either. When she hears me engage her in a topic, she feels included and her maturity elevates as she become a participant in that conversation.
The one thing I tell her above all else is that no matter what, silence is not an acceptable approach to dealing with these crimes and misdemeanors. It’s not to say that telling will resolve the problem; but it is the first step to stating that it is not acceptable and allows the person to begin to step outside the role of a victim. She knows this and gets it from the bullies she’s met at school. She’s seen firsthand that when others shy away from being picked upon in the schoolyard, it simply invites more abuse. Sometimes, even apologies are seen as signs of capitulation.
Because she is a girl, the world will treat her differently than if she were a boy. And for this reason, she gets extra lessons!
We’ve been very fortunate in that my daughter has not personally been abused physically or sexually. And I attribute this to her street-smart and forthright personality backed by my open and honest approach to parenting as she feels she can come to me to talk. But her safety is only assured with eternal vigilance (especially on her part). This is why I arm her with as much knowledge as possible with discussions about boundaries, consent, and privacy.
It’s not just about her physical security. It’s also about her social and online security in this connected world, too. I tell her that if and when she interacts online, she cannot know the true identity of some people and everything she does has the potential to be seen by everyone in the world and it is there forever. Sadly, there is no undo button on the internet!
Probably the best way to teach a child anything new is to use stories and examples of case studies external to the family. As these situations can never been replicated for firsthand knowledge, it’s best to use the plethora of media examples and let her imagine herself it different shoes. Because she is a girl, the world will treat her differently than if she were a boy. And for this reason, she gets extra lessons!
